MAN HAS TWO CARS CRUSHED BY TWO DIFFERENT TREES ON SAME DAY
Dude.
MAN WHO CASUALLY STOLE BUCKET OF GOLD IN NEW YORK IS ARRESTED IN ECUADOR
Had been deported four times to Ecuador.
91-YEAR-OLD MAN TO WITNESS 18TH PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION
His first was FDR’s third.
MAN DREAMED WIFE WAS CHEATING, WOKE UP AND STRANGLED HER
She’s ok, he’s not.
TODAY'S INAUGURATION SCHEDULE
From breakfast to balls.
PRESIDENT OBAMA WRITES A GOODBYE LETTER
Over-writes, more like.
MASSIVE SKITTLE SPILL
A hundred thousand, all red.
AUDIO: AMERICAN AIRLINES UNIFORMS CAUSING RASHES, OOZING BLISTERS, WORSE
Worse than oozing blisters?
AMERICAN v. RUSSIAN HOOKERS
Oh, it is on, baby.