HARVARD: LIBRARY FINES TOO STRESSFUL FOR STUDENTS

Harvard University is doing away with their traditional 50 cent-per-day late fee on overdue library books. The reason: it’s just too stressful for students. Harvard administrator Steven Beardsley explains, “We have witnessed first-hand the stress that overdue fines can cause for students. Eliminating standard overdue fines…should help students focus on their scholarship, rather than worrying about renewing library books every 28 days in order to avoid fines.”
* After all, what are overdue fines other than arbitrary guidelines set by an historically white aristocracy?
* And you’re certainly not going to need to meet deadlines or follow the rules after you get out into the real world, are you?
* After all, you’re a Harvard lawyer. And you can change any damn rule you don’t like.
* Personal responsibility, schmershonal schmesponibil— well, you know what I’m trying to say.
* In a related story the library is now out of books.
* Actually Harvard is like a porn star: well endowed.
* Why not just shift the fines from 28 days to the Mayan calendar?
* “We have witnessed first-hand”? Oh, stop being so dramatic.