TWO GUYS DIG UP GRANDMA FOR BURIED VALUABLES
There were none.
MARIJUANA COMPANY BUYS ENTIRE TOWN
To create a pot-friendly tourist destination.
HALF OF DETROIT'S MAYORAL CANDIDATES ARE FELONS
Primary election is this Tuesday.
MOM ASSAULTS 9-YEAR-OLD "BULLY"
Who pulled her daughter’s hair.
WOMAN GETS THREATENING LETTER FROM PIZZA GUY WHOM SHE DID NOT TIP
Thought the gratuity was included. Uh-huh.
TEEN OPENS EMERGENCY DOOR, JUMPS FROM PLANE AFTER LANDING
Engines were still running.
HELP WANTED: SOMEONE TO DEFEND EARTH
Superpowers not required.
BRIDE POINTS GUN AT GROOM
Arrested in her wedding dress.
BRISKET SMOKER STOLEN
From parking lot.
QUESTS FOR BIGGER BUTT, BIGGER PENIS LEAD TO DEATHS
Tragedies down south.