PEPSI REDUCES THE PRICE OF SNACKS
The chips are down!
911 CALLED OVER STICKY BUNS
Mom said I could have it.
COSMETIC INJECTIONS USE CADAVER FAT
A fat lot of good it’ll do you.
MAN STRIPS NAKED ON UNIVERSAL STUDIOS TRAM TOUR
I’m ready for my closeup.
GOVERNMENT MARRIAGE BOOTCAMP
Moonies.
AUDIO: BOXER HAS TOUPEE KNOCKED OFF DURING BOUT
Fighter wigs out.
HOA WANTS RESIDENTS TO FREEZE TO DEATH
We’d rather you die than ruin the neighborhood aesthetics.
POLICE LOCATE LOST DONKEY NAMED DOLLY PARTON
♪♫ Brayin’ 9 to 5…♪♪
AUDIO: BATMAN TAKES CITY COUNCIL TO TASK
Costumes are not doing you a favor, protestors.
FLORIDA DOCTOR ARRESTED FOR SHOPLIFTING AT TARGET
Doctor Stickyfingers, I presume?