LIBRARIES TO GIVE OUT ECLIPSE GLASSES
At participating libraries.
SHOPPING MALL PLANNING FIREWORKS SHOW DURING ECLIPSE
Now THAT’S how you jazz up an eclipse.
TWO GUYS DIG UP GRANDMA FOR BURIED VALUABLES
There were none.
MARIJUANA COMPANY BUYS ENTIRE TOWN
To create a pot-friendly tourist destination.
HALF OF DETROIT'S MAYORAL CANDIDATES ARE FELONS
Primary election is this Tuesday.
MOM ASSAULTS 9-YEAR-OLD "BULLY"
Who pulled her daughter’s hair.
WOMAN GETS THREATENING LETTER FROM PIZZA GUY WHOM SHE DID NOT TIP
Thought the gratuity was included. Uh-huh.
TEEN OPENS EMERGENCY DOOR, JUMPS FROM PLANE AFTER LANDING
Engines were still running.
HELP WANTED: SOMEONE TO DEFEND EARTH
Superpowers not required.