JILTED BOYFRIEND ARRESTED FOR HARASSING SORORITY
Jerk.
GUY WHO SENT OUT FAKE MISSILE ALERT HAS BEEN REASSIGNED
To a room with no buttons, we hope.
HERO COP SAVES BABY FROM CHOKING, HIS FIRST DAY ON THE JOB
A great start to a career.
THE FEDS BUST MOB MEMBERS WITH CLASSIC NAMES
Grumpy, Porkey, Boobsie and Joey Blue Eyes
HOOTERS TO START HOME DELIVERY, BUT NOT BY HOOTERS GIRLS
What America is clamoring for.
ULTRAMARATHON RUNNER CAUGHT CHEATING BY HIDING IN PORT-A-POTTIES
Maybe he was pooped.
GM TO PUT AUTONOMOUS CARS ON THE ROAD BY NEXT YEAR
No steering wheels, no gas or brake pedals.
THE WEREWOLF CAT
A new official breed.
TRADER JOE MEETS ELEANOR RIGBY
You can sing product names to the tune of Eleanor Rigby.