What happened when Simba was walking too slow?
They told him to Mufasa.
A burglar breaks into a home, finds a couple having sex.
He ties them up at gunpoint, loots the house. As he’s leaving, the man pleads, “Please, just untie her, I’ll give you my car keys, empty my bank account, anything. Just let her go.” The thief says, “You must really love your wife to be begging like that.” The man says, “No, my wife will be home in 5 minutes.”
Guy goes into a pet shop.
He says, He says, “You got any dogs goin’ cheap?”
Owner says, “No, all our dogs go woof.”
How do you cut an ocean wave in half?
With a sea saw.
Did you know that Tigger got a job at a nightclub?
He’s the bouncer.
A robot walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, “What’ll ya have?”
The robot says, “Well, it’s been a long day and I need to loosen up. How about a screwdriver?”
Man says, “I need to call a doctor.”
His wife says, “Which doctor?”
Guy says, “No, the regular kind.”
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
His grandmother calls to ask how he is. The nburse says, “No change yet”.
What do ghosts wear to the beach?
Sun scream.