FINLAND ZOO RETURNS DEFECTIVE CHINESE PANDAS
Send them home via Panda Express.
TWO MEN WITH SAME NAME GO ON CRIME SPREE
No, not John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt.
MOUSE POPS OUT OF AIRLINE MEAL
You should have had the lasagna.
RUSSIA ENCOURAGES SEX AT WORK
They need the babies.
THAI WOMAN RESCUED FROM PYTHON
Something’s in the kitchen with Dinah.
MAYORAL CANDIDATE HITS RIVAL WITH CHAIR DURING DEBATE
Debate: a process that involves formal discourse and discussion.
NUDISTS GO ON SIX-DAY TANDEM BIKE RIDE
Schwinnnnnn…g!
PETA GOES AFTER PALACE GUARD HATS
A turban would be kinda cool.
POLICE MINISTER HAS PURSE STOLEN DURING SPEECH TO POLICE
What’s all this then?