NAME THE NEW POPE!
Submissions now accepted.
WOMAN TOLD HER NEXT BRAZILIAN WAX WILL COST MORE, DUE TO SIZE OF THE ACREAGE
That’s a fair dinkum you got there, miss.
PRINCESS OF DENMARK POSES FOR OFFICIAL PHOTO WITH CELL PHONE
It’s good to be the princess.
DEAD POPE HIT WITH MAXWELL’S SILVER HAMMER
It’s hammer time!
NORTH KOREA SENDS POOP BALLOONS; SOUTH KOREA RETALIATES WITH BOY BAND MUSIC
It’s BTS! Head for the shelter!
ROBOTS RUN AGAINST HUMANS IN RACE, LOSE
The possibility of successfully navigating a half-marathon is approximately three-thousand, seven-hundred and twenty to one.
SCIENTISTS MAYBE FIND SIGNS OF LIFE ON INCREDIBLY DISTANT PLANET
Plankton flatulence.
FANCY RESTAURANT SERVES ELEPHANT DUNG DESSERT
Eat shit and diet.
AUSTRALIAN MONOPOLY RECORD
You have won a beauty contest.