AIR FLIGHT DIVERTED OVER CLOGGED TOILETS
Underneath your seat you’ll find a floatation device, and a personal plunger.
ZOO GORILLA TOSSES ROCK, HITS MAN
One down, 99 men to go.
MAN THINKS ZOO ALLIGATOR IS FAKE, CLIMBS INTO PEN
Later, gator wader.
PATROL CAR STOLEN WHILE COPS WERE ON FOOT CHASE
No, YOU were supposed to lock it.
CHILD DAMAGES $57 MILLION PAINTING
Should-be headline: Child “damages” “$57 million” “painting.”
GERMAN MYSTERY WRITER FOUND MURDERED
Der Mord, She Wrote.
FINGER WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIPS
How did ESPN miss this?