THE WORLD’S LOUDEST PERSON: 122 DECIBELS
Loud and proud.
CITY GRANTS RIGHTS TO TREES
Freedom of beech.
POLICE INVESTIGATE DISAPPEARANCE OF MAGICIAN
Trick worked a little too well.
CHINESE MAN STEALS, CUTS UP ELEVATOR DOOR
What a downer.
KAYAKING WHILE INTOXICATED
And now he’s up a creek.
SNAIL RACE CANCELED
Who will speak for the snails?
AIR CANADA PILOT NEVER HAD A LICENSE TO FLY BIG-ASS AIRPLANES
You’re grounded, mister.