♫ SUNSHINE ON YOUR BUTTHOLE MAKES YOU HAPPY ♫ ♪

Here’s a hot new wellness trend making its way around the internet: “perineum sunning,” or, in other words, exposing your butt to the sun. You’re supposed to strip naked outdoors, lie on your back, lift your legs and expose your bare bottom to full sunshine for 30 seconds. The practice is being pushed by so-called internet “influencers” [* None of whom we are going to name. Because that is just what they want.] Here is what the “influencers” are saying:
– “In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on.”
– The practice can help keep the area “healthy and free of germs.”
– “30 seconds of direct sunlight injection to the anal orifice is equivalent to being outside in the sun all day!”
– “It not only helps me sleep better but helps to regulate my hormones.”
* So … you’re literally mooning the sun.
* For a real kick, try it near an airport runway.
* It’s a whole new thing. Or a new hole thing.
* Ladies and gentlemen / Take my advice / Pull down your pants / And wear sunscreen.
* I think we’re confusing influencers with “people under the influence.”