WOMAN GIVES BIRTH, TAKES SCHOOL EXAMS 30 MINUTES LATER

An Ethiopian woman took her school exams in a hospital just 30 minutes after giving birth. Almaz Derese, 21, had hoped to take the secondary school tests before her baby was born, but it didn’t work out that way. She went into labor on Monday, right before her first exam was due to begin. Her husband was able to persuade her school to permit her to take three of the exams – English, math and Amharic – the Ethiopian language – at the hospital right after giving birth. She took the remaining tests at the exam center over the past few days. Almaz said her baby son is doing well.
* And I can’t get my daughter to finish her book report on Bridge to Terabithia.
* An English exam, a math exam, and an Amharic exam. But first, a pelvic exam.
* I wonder if the English exam had contractions?
* She graduated Summa Cum Laude and her baby was Screamma Some Louder.

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JOKE OF THE DAY

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What did the octopus say to the bagpipes?

posted March 19

“Nice pajamas.”

A woman lived with her daughter and son-in-law.

posted March 18

One day she came home to find her son-in-law packing a suitcase. He says, “I’m leaving, it’s the end of our marriage. I texted my wife to say I’d be home early, and when I got here I found her in bed with another man.” The mother-in-law said, “No, my daughter would never do that, there must be a simple explanation, I’ll go and talk to her.” After a while, the mother-in-law comes back and says, “There, I told you there was a simple explanation. She never got your text.”

Why wouldn’t the nearsighted vampire buy glasses?

posted March 17

He just couldn’t see himself wearing them.

Guy staggers into a bar.

posted March 16

Bartender says, “You look beat.” Guy says, “I just walked five mile, climbed two trees, waded across a creek, almost stepped on a rattlesnake and outran a bear.” Bartender says, “You must be quite the outdoorsman.” Guy says, “No, I’m just a lousy golfer.”

A guy goes up to his boss after an ethics training seminar.

posted March 13

He says, “Boss, that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals. His boss says, “Look, animal testing is an accepted practice, many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.” Guy says, “Yeah, but we make hammers.”