WHAT NOT TO TELL THE COPS

The Bangor, Maine, Police Department posted a list on Facebook detailing six things people “don’t need to tell cops” in a public setting:
1. You do not need to tell us – “I didn’t do it.” We probably don’t think that you did do it. We probably don’t know what “it” is. We assume most people we run into during the average day didn’t do it, and neither did their friends.
2. Do not point at your friend and say – “He/She did it.” It was funny the first 389 times. You might not know that we have heard it before. Most of us will still smile.
3. Do not tell your children that we are going to arrest them if they don’t behave. Don’t. Do. That. We are not going to arrest them if they are not behaving. We are not going to scare them for you. We just don’t do that. You are going to need to work on your parenting skills if this is one of your strategies. Stop it.
4. If you are drunk, you do not need to tell us you are drunk. We can usually tell. Just don’t drive a motor vehicle. Otherwise, enjoy your altered state of mind. We don’t mind.
5. If you are not drunk, you don’t need to tell us that either. Most people who are drinking for the pleasure of having a drink are not drunk.
6. Don’t feel you need to tell us (if you see us when you’re not in your car) that you did not speed today. You don’t need to tell us the last time you got pulled over, or even if you never had a summons. We appreciate the way most folks drive. We are not thinking that you are a bad person when we show up in the fast food line with you. We think you are hungry. It’s all good. We’re hungry too. We do not hold poor motor vehicle records against you while you are buying a burger.
* Things’r pretty slow up in Bangor, are they?
* Boy, that’s a whole lot of attitude, considering they’re mostly trying to tell us they don’t have an attitude.
* “7. No donut jokes. Unless you really want to spend the night in jail.”
* Don’t threaten your kids with cops. That’s what Santa is for.
* PHONE TOPIC: Did your parents ever threaten you with the police? What did your parents do to threaten you?