WEDNESDAY, Dec 4 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, December 4, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Thesaurus Sale

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing – including “holidays” created by the National Day Calendar and Wellcat websites to drive traffic to their websites – or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL COOKIE DAY
The Punchbowl website says this:
“It’s National Cookie Day! Did you know that the English word ‘cookie’ is derived from the Dutch word ‘koekje,’ which means ‘little cake’? Dutch bakers used to test oven temperatures on small amounts of batter so that they would not waste the entire cake mix if the temperature wasn’t right. It was not long before they discovered that these tiny pieces of cooked batter were actually quite tasty!”

NATIONAL DICE DAY
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“The origin of dice is uncertain however it is known that they have been around for thousands of years. At the Burnt City, an archaeological site in south-eastern Iran, the oldest known dice were excavated as part of a 5000-year-old backgammon set. Dice were originally made from the talus (ankle bone) of hoofed animals.”

SANTA’S LIST DAY

December is:

Exotic/Tropical Fruits Month
National Egg Nog Month
National Fruit Cake Month
National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month
National Write a Business Plan Month
Safe Toys and Gifts Month
Tomato Month
Winter Squash Month

THE BUZZMY RANDOM TALENT

Reddit asked, “What’s the most random skill you have that never fails to impress people?” Some of the responses:
– “I can write backwards perfectly with my left hand.”
– “I’m extremely good at drawing stuff that I can look at and replicate. I can create a photo realistic drawing of my wife while looking at her, but if you tell me to sit down in an empty room and draw my wife from memory I couldn’t do it to save my life.”
– “I’m a lie detector. If you try to lie to me, your sentence won’t be finished I will realize naturally that it’s a lie or not.”
– “I remember people’s names after they introduce themselves. Even better if I haven’t seen them in a while.”
– “I can sometimes tell geographically where people live if they post pictures of certain mushrooms.”
– “I can easily imitate the sounds of a dentist’s drill. But that doesn’t impress people. They just hate me for it.”
– “I can sound like I’m talking backwards.”
– “I can perfectly mimic the sound of a dripping faucet. Great for pranks, useless for everything else.”
– “Reciting the alphabet backwards quickly. Also, you can put it to the same song as the normal alphabet:
Z Y X W V and U,
T and S and R and Q,
P O N M L K J,
I H G F E-D-C-B-A,
Now I know my ZYXes,
Next time we can sing-it-down-in Texas!”
* PHONE TOPIC: Ask listeners for their special talent, especially one they can do over the phone.

U.S. NEWS

THIS YEAR’S “SHOP WITH A COP” SHOPLIFTER STORY

In what’s becoming an annual tradition in America, a shoplifter was arrested at a Walmart during a “Shop With a Cop” event. Dozens of police officers and sheriff’s deputies were at the IronBridge Road Walmart in Chesterfield, Virginia, on Sunday for the holiday tradition where law enforcement helps children pick out presents. Sometime during the event, officers were told about a shoplifting event in progress. At the time there were around 50 uniformed officers in the store, with 30-40 marked patrol cars in the parking lot. Officers quickly began closing in on the suspect, 32-year-old Hector Velazquez, who tried to escape out the back where he was apprehended. Identical incidents have happened in previous years:
– On December 2, 2023 at a Michigan Walmart during a Shop With a Cop event, when a 62-year-old woman attempted to shoplift in a store full of cops.
– In 2022, it happened at a Walmart Shop With a Cop in St. Cloud, Florida.
– In 2019, it happened during Shop With a Cop in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, Walmart.
* In 1915, it happened at a Shop Responsible With a Constable event in London, England.
* Dummy! With all the cops at Walmart, he should have robbed a bank!
* This event is growing in popularity like Festivus.
* It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like … Hector Velazquez Won’t be Home for Christmas.
* And yet whoever designed those skinny Walmart aisles that are barely wide enough for one shopping cart walks free.

FLORIDA WOMAN ARRESTED OVER RAISING CANE’S SAUCE ATTACK

A 31-year-old Florida woman was arrested after she attacked a worker at a Raising Cane’s fast food restaurant in Clearwater, because someone failed to include eight sauces in her pickup order. McKenzie Keeling picked up her food, only to later discover that she was missing 8 packs of Cane’s sauce. (* “I shall seek my revenge,” she thought.) Keeling returned to the restaurant and spoke to a female manager, who provided Keeling with the 8 dipping sauces. Keeling thought she deserved extra sauces in return for “wasting her time and gas.” The manager said no, and Keeling “became hostile.” She began yelling and hit the manager in the leg, and tried to tear off the woman’s keys and Cane’s ID from her belt. It was noted that an extra 1.5 ounce container of Cane’s dipping sauce costs 39 cents.
* And they can’t be giving that stuff away at that price. Come on. They’d go broke.
* Had this woman been hitting the sauce earlier in the day?
* “Raising Cane’s. Good enough to risk arrest.” There’s the new slogan.
* On the other hand, if it’s that good, why would someone freak out ’cause they don’t have eight packets of sauce to drown it in?

AUDIO: COLORADO POLICE OFFICER COMMANDEERS KID’S BIKE TO CATCH FLEEING FELON

A Colorado police officer used a child’s bicycle to pursue a suspected felon. Lone Tree Police Officer Jacob Tarr was trying to arrest the suspect who took off running after committing a felony theft. The suspect jumped several fences and stole a motorized scooter while Tarr was in pursuit. To keep up with the suspect, Officer Tarr commandeered a kid’s bike to continue the pursuit. Bodycam video shows the officer hopping over a fence and grabbing the blue bike with green BMX handlebars with rad handgrips and pedaling fast down the street. Tarr and other officers eventually caught the suspect and charged him with felony theft. Said the Lone Tree police department, “The suspect might‘ve had a scooter, but Officer Tarr had determination, and a kid’s bike.”
* Best of all, the bike had playing cards clothespinned to the spokes that went “pbbbbbbbbbbbb—-”
* He’s lucky there are still SOME kids who go outdoors to play.
* Meanwhile, the kid got busted by his pop for leaving his bike in the alley.
* Just a friendly reminder, folks – when planning that felony, don’t forget the all-important getaway car.
CLIP: Queen sings “Bicycle, bicycle, bicycle”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/Queen-Bicycle-bicycle-bicycle(dot)mp3

OLIVE GARDEN: LETTERS ON THE BREADSTICKS

Olive Garden is trending now after one patron posted a video of a breadstick with inked letters on it. There were two letters, “O” and “K,” as well as the number “6” actually printed on the breadstick. After the video went big, one commenter who said they worked at Olive Garden wrote that when the breadsticks sit in the freezer for a while, it’s normal for the lettering on the packaging to rub off on the bread. The Olive Garden did respond to the video, saying, “We are concerned to see this. Can you please send an email … with your full name, and the location you went to?” The chain followed up and compensated the customer with a gift card.
* And sent a couple of goons over to the Olive Garden location to straighten out the employees.
* You see, the kitchen is supposed to scrub those breadsticks with Ajax to get the ink off before they bring them out.
* Just curious – how many months in the freezer does it take for the lettering to rub off?
* “O-K”… Overbaked Krumpet? Obscene Kalories? Old Kindling?
* Maybe it means it’s OK to eat 6, but not any more if you want to have room for the meatballs.

FRONTIER, A BUDGET AIRLINE, TO OFFER FIRST-CLASS SEATING

U.S. budget carrier Frontier Airlines said on Tuesday it will soon offer first-class-style seating. Frontier CEO Barry Biffle (* Biffle!) said, “There’s a percentage of our customers willing to pay more for comfort. These are affluent leisure customers who want a first-class seat.” He added, “We can produce the cheapest coach seat, but we can also produce the cheapest first-class seat as well.”
* Yes, I bet they can!
* Just FYI, Barry Biffle’s total compensation last year was $8,582,703. No word yet on what kind of bonus he’ll get for figuring out how to squeeze more out of a budget-oriented customer base.
* Frontier’s coach seats are just plywood benches. First-class seats will be plywood, too, but they’ll be sanded.
* And unlike in coach, the first-class seatbelts are NOT coin operated!
* In Frontier’s first-class, they won’t nickel-and-dime you, they’ll just nickel you.
* Frontier is so cheap, they charge me to make jokes about them.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

NEW ZEALAND NAVY SHIP CRASHES BECAUSE AUTOPILOT WAS TURNED ON

A New Zealand navy ship plowed into a reef off the coast of Samoa, where it caught fire and sank. This happened back in October. The crew of the ship believed it to be under manual control as it surveyed the coral reef, but it failed to respond to direction changes. The crew thought it was the result of a thruster control failure. After the crash, and the fire, all 75 people on board the vessel evacuated safely. A military Court of Inquiry released a report last Friday noting that the ship had been on autopilot and nobody noticed. The ship was one of only nine in New Zealand’s navy and was the first the country lost at sea since World War II. Said New Zealand Chief of Navy Rear Admiral Garin Golding, “This has had an impact to our reputation. We will own it, fix it and learn from it.”
* Maybe a sticky note next to the autopilot button?
* Nice try, trying to blame it on the boat, fellas.
* I didn’t know Boeing also made boats.
* Why does the New Zealand navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see the Old Zealand navy.
* They’ll figure out exactly where those coral reefs are one of these decades.

AUDIO: $30,000+ WORTH OF MEAT PIES STOLEN

A British chef has appealed to the thieves who stole his truck full of pies to please return them. Michelin-starred chef Tommy Banks said his refrigerated van was filled with 2,500 pies with a variety of meat fillings. He had planned to sell the pies at a pop-up stall in the nearby city of York. Staff went Monday morning to pick up the van and discovered it had been stolen. It had been plugged in overnight to keep the pies fresh. Chef Banks said in an Instagram video Monday, shortly after they were taken: “I know you’re a criminal, but maybe just do something nice because it’s Christmas and maybe we can feed a few thousand people with these pies that you’ve stolen, do the right thing.” He valued the pies at about £25,000, which is equivalent to just over $31,000.The pies are all in boxes with his name on it. Banks asked members of the public who are offered pies with his branding from someone who is not him to report them to the police.
* Ironically, stealing the van was easy as pie.
* Problem is, pretty much everybody wants to return British food after they’ve tried it.
* When they say “a variety of meat fillings,” they mean mostly kidney.
* Taking British food away from the people: criminal… or a hero?
CLIP: From Killer Clowns From Outer Space: “What’re ya gonna do with those pies, boys?”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/09-20-KillerClowns-Pies(dot)mp3

ZOO PENGUIN DISCOVERED TO BE A MALE

A British zoo has just discovered that a 10-year-old penguin who has been living at the facility since 2016 is a male. Birdland Park, in Gloucestershire, said the penguin formerly known as Maggie had a feather sent for DNA testing after keepers noticed the penguin attempting to initiate mating with a male penguin. Maggie was found to be male and renamed Magnus. The zoo is now down to just one female penguin in their breeding colony.
* One tired female penguin.
* You can’t blame them for not catching that it was a male. You know what cold ocean water does to guys.
* They should have known the penguin was male. It was wearing a tuxedo, not an evening gown.
* Also, when the female penguin laid an egg, instead of helping sit on it, he would try to start a game of touch football.
* Who are we as a society to assign gender roles to penguins? Maybe Magnus enjoys being non-binary.

ALMANACNOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Dec. 21, Saturday – Winter begins, winter solstice occurs at 4:21 a.m. (EST)
Dec. 25, Wednesday – Christmas
Dec. 31, Tuesday – New Year’s Eve
Jan. 1, Wednesday – New Year’s Day

BIRTHDAYS

Tyra Banks (actress, TV host, model) … 51
Kevin Sussman (actor, Stuart Bloom on “The Big Bang Theory”) … 54
Jay Z (rapper, music producer, real name Shawn Corey Carter) … 55
Fred Armisen (actor/comedian, “Wednesday,” “Portlandia,” “SNL”) … 58
Marisa Tomei (actress, May Parker in the Tom Holland “Spider-Man” movies) … 60
Jeff Bridges (actor, “The Old Man,” “Iron Man,” “The Big Lebowski”) … 75

Today’s Birthdays grade: A bench with several good, dependable performers gets a B-minus; add in Jeff Bridges who deserves a Lifetime Achievement Award and in his mid-70s is still rockin’ it in “The Old Man,” and today gets lifted to an A-minus.
[Want to try something different with the daily birthdays? Try grading them! Some days have “good” celebs, some have “great” celebs, some have “lousy” celebs. For fun, give the group an arbitrary grade: A-plus through F-minus. Sidekick will give you our take on it; you can to take the concept and run with it.]

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“As far as being a role model to kids, I’m a human being, and I’m going to do wrong as well as I’m going to do good.”

(A) Matt Lauer
(B) Louis C.K.
(C) Jay Z

Answer: (C) Jay Z

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1997 – The National Basketball Association suspended Latrell Sprewell of the Golden State Warriors for one year for choking and threatening to kill his coach, P.J. Carlesimo.
* It’s kind of a grown-up’s “time out.”

1990 – Due to the Persian Gulf crisis, gasoline topped $1.60 per gallon in several U.S. cities.
* And now that’s a bargain.

1812 – The power mower was patented by Peter Gaillard.
* And on the following Saturday it refused to start.

1619 – According to some sources, America’s first Thanksgiving Day took place in Virginia.
* Those poor colonists. No football, no TV, no recliners … whatever did they do?

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2015 – A new statue of The Beatles was unveiled in Liverpool – 50 years after their last show in Merseyside. The bronze sculpture, weighing over 1.6 tons, had been given to the city by The Cavern Club, the venue synonymous with the Fab Four in the 1960s.

2006 – Yahoo revealed that Britney Spears was the most searched for term of 2006 with more online searches done about Spears than any other topic or person. Female celebrities dominated the top 10 overall search list, with Shakira at number three, Jessica Simpson at number four and Paris Hilton at number five.

2002 – In a TV interview, Whitney Houston said alcohol and drugs nearly killed her, plus she was addicted to sex. She said her business was sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, and got into the lifestyle after missing out on partying when her career kicked off at age 18.

1993 – Multi-instrumentalist, producer and composer Frank Zappa died of prostrate cancer.

1988 – Roy Orbison played his final ever gig when he appeared in Cleveland, Ohio. Orbison died of a heart attack two days later.

1987 – Madonna filed for divorce from actor Sean Penn, and then changed her mind a week later.

1980 – Led Zeppelin announced they were disbanding due to the death of their drummer, John Bonham.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. In a recent survey, money was #1 on the list of things couples argue about. Chores was #2. THIS was #3. What is it?
Snoring

2. Married individuals spend twice as much time worrying about THIS important life issue than single people. What is it?
Retirement money

3. 23% of women do THIS while their man is watching football. What is it?
They get their nails done

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