TWINS CAUGHT IN ATTEMPTED SOAP THEFT

A pair of twins were thwarted in their attempt to steal nearly 200 bars of soap. Absecon, New Jersey, police allege twins Kenny and Lenny Stewart were in a Shoprite store when they dumped 30 six-packs of Dove soap into a large bag and bolted for an exit with employees in pursuit last Friday. The twins were knocked down when they ran into a trash can. They got back onto their feet but then fell again after running into a shopping cart. And as they turned a corner, the twins came face to face with a police officer who was investigating an accident in the parking lot. The twins were charged with shoplifting and resisting arrest.
* Let’s see if we can get through this without using the words “clean getaway”.
* Why Dove soap? Because … “don’t touch that Dial!”
* Why so much soap? Crack problem?
* Compulsive hand-washers?
* From 200 bars to behind bars.
* They tried to abscond in Absecon.
* Isn’t “a pair of twins” a little redundant?
* They can’t even use the good twin/evil twin defense – they’re both rotten.
* Hey, if your parents named you Kenny and Lenny you’d probably want to rebel, too.
* How fitting is it that they ran into a trash can?
* You know when they’re really going to think about what they did? Every time they use the soap in the prison shower.
* True story: I’m looking for an internet list of soap brands and the bastards actually had it as a slide show. Do you really think I’m going to go through an internet slide show just to look at bars of soap?