TUESDAY, Sept 17 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR TUESDAY, September 17, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: HUBERT VAN BOUVIER FOR OFFICE – GREEN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

CONSTITUTION DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“The Constitutional Congress of the United States of America held its final meeting on September 17, 1787 to sign the Constitution of the United States of America. Individual states then had to meet and vote on it. The U.S. Constitution did not go into effect until two years later on March 4, 1789.”

CITIZENSHIP DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“On February 29, 1952, President Harry Truman signed a bill establishing Citizenship Day on September 17 of each year. The roots of this holiday go back to I Am an American Day, which was established in 1940 by Congress as the third Sunday in May. This day was moved and renamed to Citizenship Day to coincide with the signing of the U.S. Constitution on September 17, 1787.”

NATIONAL APPLE DUMPLING DAY

NATIONAL PET BIRD DAY

September is:

Baby Safety Month
Better Breakfast Month
Chicken Month
Classical Music Month
Hispanic Heritage Month
Honey Month
Little League Month
National Piano Month
Self Improvement Month

THE BUZZDOG WALKING INJURIES UP 342% OVER PAST 20 YEARS

Injuries related to dog walking among American adults and children have surged 342% over the past two decades, according to researchers from Johns Hopkins University. Injuries range from getting yanked off a path and falling down a hill to getting hit by a car.
– The estimated number of adults visiting emergency rooms due to dog walking injuries increased from 7,300 to 32,300 from 2001 to 2020.
– Fractures, sprains and head trauma were the most prevalent injuries.
* STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONES, PEOPLE!
* This has to correlate with an increase in leash laws and dog parks and dedicated walking paths. The safer we try to make walking dogs, the more dangerous it gets.
* Not to mention an increase in squirrel population.
* Yet another reason to get a cat instead.
* In any case, be careful. It’s rrrrrufff out there.

THE 6-6-6 RULE FOR DATING

Every heard of the 6-6-6 Rule? It’s a dating code that refers to men who are 6-foot tall, have 6 pack abs and make over 6 figures. Some women claim to use the rule to find men who fit the bill and help narrow down the seemingly never ending lineup of potential matches on dating apps. Of course, the 6-6-6 rule makes it hard for most men to measure up. Which is probably why a recent survey from dating app Flirtini found that a whopping 80% of women are open to lowering their standards in order to meet a mate.
* Women on Flirtini are open to lowering their standards because, seriously, is someone who makes over 6 figures – that’s a millionaire by the way – USING FLIRTINI???
* Actually, any guy who’s a 6-6-6 doesn’t need a dating app. He’s booked solid just from word of mouth.
* In some places, the 6-6-6 rule is 6 teeth, a six pack of beer and they made it through the sixth grade.
* Is this 6-6-6 a thing from a Lifetime movie? Because no one matches up to this in the real world. Ryan Gosling maybe, though he claims he’s 6’0″ but he’s probably lying about his height.
* Men have a dating number code for women, too, but if you think I’m going to say what it is you’re crazy.
* My cousin is a sixty-six-six. He pumps gas at Phillips 66 and he’s six bricks shy of a load.

TIKTOK TREND: EAT DIRT

Another weird trend going around TikTok is eating dirt. “Crunchers” are people who eat dirt for supposed health and beauty benefits. Stephanie Adler, a fertility and hormone coach (* and first-class practical joker, apparently) encourages her followers, “Want to improve your child’s (and your own) gut health? Eat dirt! One teaspoon of organic biodynamic soil has more microorganisms than humans on earth.” Dirt eaters claim it’s an anti-aging tool, can unclog pores, tighten pores, reduce pimples and dandruff. One can purchase edible dirt from Amazon and Etsy.
* Or, you can just not wash your vegetables from Whole Foods.
* The only downside is, once a year you have to go to the doctor and get wormed.
* “What are doing for dinner tonight?” “Let’s eat out.” “Good idea. Meet you in the backyard.”
* You know, crumbled-up Oreo cookies look just like dirt on camera. Just sayin’.
* It’s good to get back to your roots.

U.S. NEWS

8-YEAR-OLD GIRL DRIVES FAMILY CAR TO TARGET

An 8-year-old girl took the family SUV from her Bedford, Ohio, home and drove 13 miles to a Target store. The girl and the car were reported missing around 9 a.m. Sunday. Police learned a small child had been spotted driving a vehicle on a nearby road. The SUV eventually was found a short time later in the parking lot of a Target store in Bainbridge, which is nearly 13 miles from her home. She told officers she had struck a mailbox while driving, but nothing else. Authorities did not say why she had decided to travel to the store or provide further details about her trip.
* Her bike had a flat?
* They won’t even say how much money she saved during Target’s big Fall savings event, happening now through Wednesday!
* The whole trip she was thinking, “Finally… I get to listen to MY stations!”
* Is Target focusing on the 8-year-old demographic?
* I bet she did it to buy a big bag of Halloween candy.

THIEF STEALS KID’S ENTIRE LEMONADE STAND

It’s one thing to steal a jar of money from a kid’s lemonade stand. It’s another to steal the entire stand. It happened in Ramona, California. Eleven-year-old Liam Rader had set up a lemonade stand to earn some money towards a dirt bike. He has been selling lemonade at the corner for about a year and a half. Liam ran home to get more cups. He came back — the table and chairs were gone. Security video from a nearby business captured a silver pickup truck driving past the lemonade stand and then turning around and pulling up next to it. Halfway through loading it into his truck, the thief picks up and reads the sign: ‘Lemonade. Small $1, Large is $3. Saving for a dirt bike. Anything helps. Thank you.’ Liam had paid $100 for the table and chairs from his earnings.
* Maybe it was a dissatisfied customer – not enough ice.
* When life gives you lemons, take lemonade stands.
* I hope this didn’t leave a bitter taste in his mouth.
* The sad part? If he had the dirt bike he could’ve gotten back to his lemonade stand quicker.
* I’m sure there’s a crowd funding site by now and little Liam probably has enough for a dirt bike, a hoverboard and a jet-ski.

GOD TOLD WOMAN SHE CAN STEAL FROM WALMART

A shoplifter was caught stealing $389 worth of merchandise from a Walmart in South Euclid,Ohio earlier this month. The unnamed woman was caught red-handed on September 1st. She told police that she believed God had given her permission to steal, because the Bible says she is only required to pay for what she can and anything else would be forgiven. Instead of prosecution, Walmart management chose to have her issued a lifetime ban from all Walmart and Sam’s Club locations.
* The Lord giveth, and the Lord says, “Taketh away.”
* God gave her permission to steal? So He’s just kidding about the 8th Commandment?
* Seriously? Stealing from Walmart? They keep prices low, they do price rollbacks, and it’s STILL not enough?
* Free stuff for the lady. Talk about God’s gift to women.
* I think God speaks to me at the checkout stand. I keep hearing this voice: “Move your… BANANAS… to the bagging area.”

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

MAYORAL CANDIDATE HITS RIVAL WITH CHAIR DURING DEBATE

During a televised political debate between two men running for mayor of Sao Paulo, Brazil, one conked the other over the head with a metal chair. Jose Luiz Daten was debating right-wing Pablo Marcal when Marcal brought up sexual harassment allegations made against his opponent. The charges were dismissed by prosecutors. Marcal then accused Daten of wanting to attack him during a previous TV debate but did not because he was “not man enough.” Insults flew, and as Marcal was speaking Datena walked up and threw a stool chair at Marcal’s head. Marcal managed to raise an arm at the last minute and deflect the blow slightly, although he was hospitalized with suspected fractured ribs and breathing difficulties. Afterwards, Mr. Datena admitted “losing it” and said: “I don’t choose moments of emotion. I’m a real man.”
* In other words, he doesn’t take insults sitting down. He stands up. Then he grabs his chair and throws it.
* Marcal said Daten “wasn’t man enough.” Daten says “I’m a real man.” Look, just measure both of their testosterone levels and publish the numbers. I’m sure they’re both really high.
* If he doesn’t win the election, he can always get a job as a luchador – one of those Mexican pro-wrestlers.
* This must be why, at American debates, they give them podiums but no chairs.

TRENDING

TITO JACKSON DIES AT 70

Tito Jackson, a member of the iconic Jackson 5 and the brother of Michael Jackson, died. He was 70 years old. Tito died of an apparent heart attack while driving from New Mexico to Oklahoma on Sunday. Born Toriano Adaryll Jackson on Oct. 15, 1953, in Gary, Indiana, Tito was the third of 10 children of Katherine and Joe Jackson. Tito had been performing with brothers Jackie and Marlon as The Jacksons and had shows in Scotland, California and England over the summer of 2024. The brothers were scheduled to appear in Atlantic City, New Jersey, on Oct. 25 and in Cincinnati, Ohio, on Nov. 1.Beyond the Jackson 5, Tito went on to have a solo career, releasing two studio albums, “Tito Time” in 2016 and “Under Your Spell” in 2021.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 20, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 22, Sunday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 8:44 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 14, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Wednesday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Thursday – Halloween
Nov. 3, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Ends, turn clocks back 1 hour
Nov. 11, Monday – Veterans Day
Nov. 28, Thursday – Thanksgiving

BIRTHDAYS

Danielle Brooks (actress, singer, “Orange Is the New Black”) … 35
Bryan Singer (producer, director, “Bohemian Rhapsody”) … 59
Rita Rudner (comedienne) … 71
Cassandra Peterson (actress, portrays horror hostess character Elvira, Mistress of the Dark) … 73

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I was never very social. I’m very shy and my husband is shy.”

(A) Kim Kardashian
(B) Elton John
(C) Rita Rudner

ANSWER: (C) Rita Rudner

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2004 – San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds hit his 700th career home run, joining Babe Ruth (714) and Hank Aaron (755) as the only players to reach the milestone.
* Thanks, Pfizer!

1920 – The precursor to the National Football League, called The American Professional Football Association, was formed in Canton, OH.
* “We need to organize our rules, set up a playoff system, and come up with a couple of killer snack foods.”

1908 – Thomas Selfridge became the first person to be killed in an airplane accident when an airplane piloted by Orville Wright crashed during a demonstration in Arlington Heights, VA. Wright survived.
* Embarrassing facts they leave out of the Kitty Hawk stories.

1872 – Philip Pratt patented a design for a sprinkler system.
* “Step One – Drink lots of lemonade …”

1787 – The Constitution was signed by delegates from twelve states at the Constitutional Convention.
* By the next day, everyone was referring to John Hancock as “Mr. Ego”.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2011 – Adele went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Someone Like You.” The track was also No.1 in Australia, Ireland, New Zealand, Finland, France, Italy, Poland, Switzerland, the United Kingdom.

2011 – The estate of Jimi Hendrix gave the go-ahead for another round of archival releases nearly 41 years to the day after the singer’s death.

2007 – Barry Manilow cancelled his plans to appear on the TV talk show The View because he did not want to be interviewed by its conservative co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, an abortion opponent and supporter of the Iraq war.

1999 – Eminem’s mother filed a $10 million lawsuit against him, claiming he defamed her in interviews.

1991 – Over 4 million copies of Guns N’ Roses album, “Use Your Illusion I” and “Use Your Illusion II” were simultaneously released for retail sale, making it the largest ship-out in pop history in the U.S.

1934 – The first 33 1/3 rpm LP record was demonstrated in New York, featuring Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to a recent survey, on average, parents of young children spend just over $50 a week on THIS. What is it?
Babysitters

2. The price of THESE has gone up about 800% in the past 30 years. What are they?
College textbooks

3. About 15 years ago, adults on average bought 15 of THESE a year. Now, they only buy 4. What are they?
DVDs

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