TIME MAGAZINE’S GREATEST FOOD INNOVATIONS OF 2023

Time magazine, which used to be – honestly, ask your grampa – a respected news source, has come out with best food inventions of 2023. Here are some of them:
– The ChefDoodler: Her name is Eleanor. No, just kidding. The ChefDoodler is a pen that draws with sugar. Basically, a glue gun that dispenses candy.
– Luna UCR: A new type of avocado that takes fewer resources to grow than a traditional Hass avocado. It also turns black as it ripens, taking the guesswork out of whether it’s ready to eat.
– GE Profile Smart Stand Mixer: The mixer features a built-in scale and voice control capability.
– Spinn Pro: A fully automatic coffee maker that does it all, from grinding whole beans down to using centrifugal force to brew your coffee. You can control it from your phone. (* Wow! They managed to make it do what 90% of all other coffeemakers do! That’s genius!!”
– Nama J2 Cold Press Juicer: Simply toss large chunks or whole fruits into the device and you’ve got juice, no slicing required.
– Lunchables microwaveable grilled cheese sandwich that comes out crisp, thanks to a special cooking sleeve designed for that purpose. (* Nice job, copying off of Hot Pockets.)
– Heinz Remix: A digital sauce-dispensing machine that allows you to customize your dipping sauces, with over 200 possible combinations of bases like ketchup, ranch, barbecue sauce, and 57 sauce. (* Enjoy cleaning out and restocking the little reservoirs every ten days!)
– Row 7 Seed Company Sweet Garleek: A leek that has the flavor of garlic.
– Dreamfarm Fluicer: The Fluicer is a citrus juicer is designed to coax out every little drop of juice from your fruit, while also folding up flat in your kitchen drawer when not in use.
* Dreamfarm Fluicer. Someone was drunk when they came up with THAT name: “Here, Joey, I made you a nice, big glass of fluice!”
* How did those Raspberry Rally Girl Scout Cookies that sold out not make the list?
* Here’s what I want someone to invent: a different way to package supermarket lettuce and fruit and desserts that isn’t that thin plastic container you cut your fingers on trying to open.
* Oh, wait – this is a disguised advertisement. All these companies paid to be mentioned. Sorry… For a second there, I forgot how the world works.