THURSDAY, Aug 15 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, August 15, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: BROUGHT TO YOU BY

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

LEMON MERINGUE PIE DAY

NATIONAL BEST FRIENDS DAY

NATIONAL CHECK THE CHIP DAY
The American Veterinary Medical Association website says this:
“Each year on Check the Chip Day, check your pet’s microchip registration information and update it if it’s incomplete or no longer correct.”

NATIONAL LEATHERCRAFT DAY

NATIONAL RELAXATION DAY
The Win Calendar website says this:
“National Relaxation Day seeks to promote stress relief by practicing relaxation. Relaxation is critical when it comes to managing stress. It can also lead to a calmer and clearer mind that can assist in concentration and positive thinking.”

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites

THURSDAY, August 15

“JACKPOT!”
Prime Video – New Movie
Synopsis: Awkwafina plays the winner of a California lottery who can cash the prize as long as she stays alive from the threat of all the jackpot hunters, who can legally claim the prize if they kill her. John Cena plays a “lottery protection agent,” who tries to help her survive for a cut of the cash.

Season Premieres:
Netflix – “Emily in Paris”
Peacock – “Bel-Air”

FRIDAY, August 16

“Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga”
Max – The theatrical release comes to streaming
Synopsis: A prequel to the modern action classic Mad Max: Fury Road, Furiosa follows a young Furiosa as she ascends to Imperator in an apocalyptic wasteland filled with dudes riding in monster trucks.

“Rick and Morty: The Anime”
Adult Swim – New Animated Series
Synopsis: New anime spin-off from the popular series.

“RuPaul’s Drag Race Global All Stars”
Paramount+ – New Competition Show
Synopsis: RuPaul invites 12 of the world’s best queens to return to the runway to compete.

“The Union”
Netflix – New Movie
Synopsis: Starring Mark Wahlberg as an everyman who gets recruited into the world of espionage by his high school sweetheart played by Halle Berry.

SUNDAY, August 18

“Chimp Crazy”
HBO – New Docuseries
Synopsis: Follows Tonia Haddix, the self-proclaimed “Dolly Parton of chimps,” who spends her days caring for animals in captivity, and her bond with a chimpanzee in particular spins into a cat-and-mouse game with authorities and an animal rights group.

“MAMMA MIA 3”?

“Mamma Mia!” star Christine Baranski, 72, tells the Hollywood Reporter that they are thinking of making a “Mamma Mia 3,” and she knows the plot. Baranski says, “I was in London with producer Judy Kramer and she gave me the narrative plotline of how it’s going to happen.” The second movie, 2018’s ”Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again,” made $400 million, and all the cast is up for a third go-round. Even Meryl Streep, whose character was dead in the second movie but appeared in flashbacks.
* Well, just do what everyone’s doing. Have the third one take place in the Mamma Mia multiverse.
* A third one, because 1 and 2 left so many unanswered questions.
* “Mamma Mia 3: Aren’t We Out Of ABBA Songs?”
* If they make a third one, they’re going to have to use Bjork songs.
* Christine Baranski knows the plot of the third movie. Did anyone ever figure out the plot of the second one?

MARK ZUCKERBERG MAKES STATUE OF HIS WIFE

Tech billionaire Mark Zuckerberg has commissioned a statue of his wife, Priscilla Chan. He posted a picture of it Tuesday on Instagram saying the artist is world-renowned sculptor Daniel Arsham. (* Yeah, I never heard of him, either.) It looks to be about 10 feet tall, depicting a very lovely Priscilla, goddess-like, cast in a robin egg blue – similar to that associated with the luxury jewellery brand Tiffany & Co, for whom Arsham has previously created pieces – with a shiny silver garment resembling angel wings blowing in the breeze. The couple has been together since 2003, and married in 2012. Among the many comments on the artwork, one man wrote, “Setting the bar high for all the husbands out there markiepoo.”
* Well, maybe for all the husbands who are billionaires.
* Isn’t “goddess-like sculpture” the traditional gift for 12th anniversary? Somebody look that up.
* I guess he’d already gotten her a new toaster oven and a Kindle. Time to step it up.
* So who’s the lucky member of the household staff who has to check it every day for bird droppings?
* What do you do with something like that? Do you bring your friends out to the backyard and say, “Look what Mark made for me.”?

JACK WHITE IS TOURING, WON’T TELL ANYBODY

Jack White is on tour, but he’s not telling anyone where in advance. In a message posted to Instagram, White writes, “Lotta folks asking about when we are going to announce ‘tour dates.’ Well, we don’t know what to tell you but the tour already started.” He says, “Call them whatever you want, but we are on tour right now. These are the ‘shows.’ We won’t really be announcing dates in advance so much, we will mostly be playing at small clubs, back yard fetes, and a few festivals here and there to help pay for expenses. Shows will be announced as close to the show date as possible, some shows we won’t even decide to do until that morning.” He adds, “I also want to walk through orchard fields and grab apples off of trees at will and fill my belly full of that fruit if the desire strikes me. I’m looking for that cool breeze you know?”
* Well, good luck with that, ’cause it’s August.
* So, apple farmers, if you see a pale-faced freak in a Johnny Depp hat stealing your apples, don’t shoot.
* What is this, Jack White and his Band of Hobos?
* This plan works great, except he’s in New Hampshire and his roadies with all the gear are in South Dakota.
* It’s a Not-Very-Magical Mystery Tour.

THE BUZZ

DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.
Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “Testing The Viability Of Using Horse Milk To Make Ice Cream”
2. “Missouri Museum Unveils World’s Longest Shoelace”
3. “The Trick To Keeping Ice From Sticking Together”
And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “Ever Heard Of A Pore Vacuum?”

AUDIO: ORIGINAL NAMES OF COMPANIES

Qualtrics (an “experience management company”) has done some digging and found the original names of famous companies before they rebranded.
– Target – Goodfellow Dry Goods (1902)
– Pepsi – Brad’s Drink (1893)
– 7-Eleven – Tote’m (1928)
– Canon Copiers – Precision Optical Instruments Laboratory (1933)
– Nike – Blue Ribbon Sports (1964)
– Subway – Pete’s Super Submarines (1965)
– Best Buy – Sound of Music (1966)
– Snapple – Unadulterated Food Products (1972)
– Applebee’s – T.J. Applebee’s Rx for Edibles & Elixers (1980)
– Yahoo – David’s Guide to the World Wide Web (1994)
– Amazon – Cadabra (1994)
– eBay – Auction Web (1995)
– Google – Back Rub (1996)
– Instagram – Burbn (2010)
– Tinder – Matchbox (2012)
– Meta – Facemash (2003)
CLIP: Name change can be a tricky thing. Just ask the XLuminX company!
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/05-19-XLuminX-WeSellLightBulbs(dot)mp3

U.S. NEWS

JUDGE TERRORIZES 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL FOR FALLING ASLEEP IN HIS COURTROOM

A Detroit judge became incredibly angry when a teenager on a field trip fell asleep in his courtroom. The 16-year-old girl was on a legal education trip Tuesday with a local nonprofit called Greening of Detroit. The organization offers a three-week program in which students can watch a real trial play out. The group was witnessing 36th District Court Judge Kenneth King at work when he noticed the girl had fallen asleep. He woke the girl and began scolding her about “respect” and proper courtroom behavior. When the teen apparently sassed him, he ordered a court official to slap handcuffs and a prison uniform on her. He threatened to send the girl to a juvenile detention center. He then asked other students to vote on whether she should be sent to the detention center – and ultimately ended up setting her free. The girl said she was traumatized by the judge’s unnecessary scolding. King defended the move, saying it wasn’t so much that she had fallen asleep as it was her attitude. He said, “I wanted to get through to her, show how serious this is and how you are to conduct yourself inside of a courtroom.”
* That must be why they call him The Haranguing Judge.
* You want to get through to the kids these day, you have be be as funny as Judge Steve Harvey.
* A kid falling asleep wouldn’t usually rattle him so much, but he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
* Look, if the judge is this boring they should have a vending machine with energy drinks.
* If his plan was to stop having annoying field trips visit his courtroom, it worked.
* Let’s hope their next field trip is to a dairy farm to see where milk comes from.

FLORIDA PYTHON HUNT TIME AGAIN

It’s time for the annual Florida Python Challenge. Amateur and professional snake hunters have scattered across parts of the Everglades on a mission to capture as many Burmese pythons as they can wrangle. The hunt began last Friday and runs until 5 p.m. this Sunday, August 18, during which time participants must catch and kill the nonvenomous constrictors, which feed on the state’s native animals (* and the elderly). State officials said 917 Burmese pythons have been removed over the past ten years through the annual competition, including 209 snakes last year. This year more than 600 Florida Python Challenge competitors will have a chance to win a $10,000 grand prize for the removal of the most pythons during the 10-day competition. Other cash prizes will be awarded for the most snakes removed and the longest python removed.
* There’s also a talent portion and a Miss Snake Congeniality contest.
* How do pythons get here from Burma? Work visas?
* 917 Burmese pythons have been removed over the past ten years. What is that – like, one-tenth of one percent?
* If you want to hunt snakes in the Everglades, officials are requiring you get a vaccination for a case of the Willies.
* And please tell your loved ones where you’re going so they know where to look for the body.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

HAIR CLIP SAVES WOMAN DURING BEAR ATTACK

Vanessa Chaput was out jogging in her hometown of Haines Junction, in Canada’s Yukon territory, late-night on June 30 with her German shepherd Luna. She turned a corner and came face to face with three bears – a big male and two cubs. Her dog Luna took off after the two smaller bears, leaving Chaput alone with the male bear – which promptly charged at her. She says it took her head in its mouth and tossed her around. The bear finally backed off when it bit down on her hair clip, and the spring part exploded in his mouth. The bear finally retreated. She called 911 and had a 10-day hospital stay, where she received care for a broken arm, as well as upward of 30 stitches on her head, back, arm, and ear.
* All you joggers out there must be thinking: Where can I get some of those poorly-made hair clips?
* The three bears were cranky ’cause someone had been eating their porridge, sitting in their chairs, and sleeping in their beds.
* She’s lucky the bear didn’t bite down on the exploding hair clip and think, “Cool! Pop Rocks!”
* See? Jogging isn’t as good for you as people say.

AUDIO: NEW APP WARNS OF IMPENDING ELEPHANTS

The state of Assam, in northeastern India, has launched a mobile app that warns people of incoming herds of wild elephants. Clashes between humans and elephants have continued to rise in recent years, as herds turn more aggressive as their habitats get downsized to make way for urban development. There have been more that 400 human deaths-by-elephant from 2017 to 2022. The app, named HaatiApp, tracks the movements of wild elephant herds and warns users if they get close to a collision.
* It’s tricky, because elephants don’t use their cellphones much so it’s hard to ping a location on them.
* “They’re calling for elephants today, dear, you’d better take a bag of peanuts.”
* You would think it would be hard not to hear a herd of elephants that was coming close enough for a collision, but they’ve learned to tip-toe.
* We could use that here in the breakroom, to warn of the stampeding sales department on donut day.
CLIP: Our little “There’s an app for that” sounder.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/Email-TheresAnApp4That(dot)mp3

TRENDING

AWFUL OLYMPIC BREAKDANCER COULD MAKE MILLIONS

Australian Olympian Rachel ‘Raygun’ Gunn – the woman who did the ridiculous breakdance – is sitting on a mount of “brand capital” that could net her millions, experts claim. Gunn’s unexpected rise to fame came during the Paris Olympics as her eccentric women’s breakdancing performance left audiences both bewildered and captivated. Despite scoring zero – or perhaps because of it – she one of the most talked-about figures of the Games, and with that comes potentially millions of dollars, if she wants any more attention. It’s predicted that Gunn will attract offers from global companies. New stars typically sign contracts with three to five companies, usually in the sports, food, and technology sectors, with deals up to $500,000 each.

BURNING MAN FESTIVAL LOW TICKET SALES

Ticket sales are running low to this year’s Burning Man festival. In each year since 2011 they have sold out almost immediately. But now, less than two weeks before the festival kicks off, tickets are still available. While performers are not announced in advance, a few of the rumored performers are Kaz James, What So Not, and Diplo. Burning Man takes place each year in Nevada’s remote Black Rock desert. As of Tuesday, plenty of tickets are still available. Critics note that maybe people are remembering the unbearably hot temperatures of 2022, and heavy rains in 2023 that turned the desert into mud, leaving revelers trapped for days.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 2, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Wednesday – Patriot Day
Sept. 20, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Sunday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 8:44 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 14, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Wednesday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Thursday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Jennifer Lawrence (actress) … 34
Joe Jonas (singer, “The Jonas Brothers”) … 35
Natasha Henstridge (actress, “Species” movies) … 50
Ben Affleck (actor, director) … 52
Anthony Anderson (actor, “black-ish”) … 54
Debra Messing (actress, “Will and Grace”) … 56
Princess Anne (daughter of Prince Philip and Queen Elizabeth II) … 74

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I don’t think there are too many people who don’t know somebody who has had a problem with infidelity. I’ve found that it bothers a surprising amount of people.”

(A) Hillary Clinton
(B) Tiger Woods
(C) Ben Affleck

ANSWER: (C) Ben Affleck

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2001 – Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar system outside our own – two planets orbiting a star in the Big Dipper.
* And we finally knew for certain there’s someplace out there to escape to.

1877 – Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph Company in Pittsburgh, PA to suggest that when answering the telephone, the word “Hello” would be a more appropriate greeting than “Ahoy.”
* To which the Telegraph Company president replied, “Avast me hardy, we’ll think about it! Arrr.”

1876 – The U.S. passed a law removing Indians from the Black Hills after gold was discovered there.
* “Oh, our mistake. We meant to put you on this totally worthless piece of land over HERE …”

1848 – The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett.
* It had been bad enough getting root canals without having to stand up the whole time, too.

1635 – The first recorded U.S. hurricane hit the Plymouth Colony.
* “Man, it BLOWS around here.”

1620 – The Mayflower set sail for the New World, freeing the Pilgrim Fathers from the tyranny and oppression of Europe and helping them start again in a land of opportunity where you could be anything you wanted to be.
* As soon as you stole a nice patch of land from the natives.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2009 – U2’s first gig in Great Britain on their “360°” tour broke the attendance record for a Wembley Stadium concert. Over 88,000 people attended the show.

2004 – Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts was being treated for throat cancer after being diagnosed with the disease in June.

2000 – David Bowie and his wife Iman welcomed their first child, Alexandria Zahra Jones, into the world. A statement reported that Bowie was involved in the delivery and even cut the umbilical cord.

1992 – Boyz II Men started a 13-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “End Of The Road,” the group’s first U.S. No.1. Taken from the Eddie Murphy film “Boomerang,” it broke the 36-year-old record held by Elvis Presley for the longest run at No.1.

1991 – Paul Simon played a free concert in New York’s Central Park before an audience of 750,000 people.

1981 – Diana Ross and Lionel Richie started a nine-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Endless Love.”

1969 – The three-day Woodstock Music and Art Fair began on Max Yasgur’s 600-acre farm in Bethel outside New York. Attended by over 400,000 people, the free event featured: Jimi Hendrix, Joe Cocker, Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Santana, The Who, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, The Band, Canned Heat, Joan Baez, Santana, Melanie, Ten Years After, Sly and the Family Stone, Johnny Winter, Jefferson Airplane, Ravi Shanker, Country Joe and the Fish, Blood Sweat and Tears, Arlo Guthrie, and Joe Cocker. During the three days there were three deaths, two births and four miscarriages. Joni Mitchell was booked to appear but had to pull out due to being booked for a TV show. She later wrote the song “Woodstock.”

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 33% of women surveyed said they have ended a relationship because of THIS. What is it?
They disliked their partner’s family

2. 53% of men surveyed said they’ve pretended to like THIS while in a relationship with a woman. What is it?
Her cat

3. 16% of couples surveyed said buying THIS is a great way to spice up a relationship. What is it?
Lingerie

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