SWEETHEARTS CANDY HEARTS FIGURED OUT A WAY TO SELL ITS DUDS

You know the Valentine’s Day Sweethearts candy hearts, with the printed messages – Love U, UR Mine, Bite Me… etc? Well, not all of them print cleanly at the factory – sometimes the ink smears, or the candy breaks, or the message is blurry. The manufacturer – Spangler Candy – has found a way to make money on the duds. They’re going to box them up and label them as Sweethearts “Situationships,” full of “blurry, misprinted candies that are as hard to read as Gen-Z relationships.” A “situationship” means an arrangement with a romantic or sexual partner that is not or has yet to be defined by labels. The company says, “This is our way of embracing those imperfections in a way that taps into pop culture.”
* Fine, whatever, shut up and give me the candy.
* Can’t you just see the dollar signs go ‘ka-ching’ in their eyes when somebody suggested this at the weekly meeting?
* “Sweethearts Situationships,” because “Sweethearts Fear of Commitments” wasn’t very upbeat.
* “Situationships.” Fifteen years ago we called it “Friends with Benefits,” but go ahead, Gen-Z, make your own cute little name.
* So they’re embracing their mistakes, yet still selling them on the open market. Like Tesla.
* Is this what Gen-Z’s do? Give their companions defective candy? Irregular clothing? Scratch-n-dent jewelry?