STARBUCKS TO CLOSE FOR SENSITIVITY TRAINING

Starbucks will be closing all of its company-owned restaurants in the U.S. – about 8,000 stores (* in [YOUR CITY] alone!) during the afternoon of May 29 to conduct a racial-bias education program. This comes after a Starbucks in Philadelphia asked two African-American men, who were waiting for a friend, to leave, and then called the police on them. Kevin Johnson, CEO of Starbucks, said in a statement Tuesday that he’d “spent the last few days in Philadelphia with my leadership team listening to the community, learning what we did wrong and the steps we need to take to fix it.”
* Spoken like a true white, middle-aged, rich white guy.
* An afternoon without Starbucks. This could be the break Dunkin’ Donuts has been waiting for.
* May 29! Looks like I picked the wrong day to start drinking coffee.
* The closing is expected to last about 8 seconds, just long enough for Mr. Johnson to go onto Skype and yell, “Don’t!!!” at everyone.
* Speaking of sensitivity, how about spelling our names correctly on the cups?