SHOPLIFTER LOSES PANTS DURING ESCAPE

A 350-pound Florida man running from a Walmart with two stolen TVs lost his pants. Police say as Columbus Henderson, 45, fled from a Walmart Supercenter in Fort Lauderdale on September 26 with a pair of 40-inch televisions, his pants fell to his ankles, and he proceeded to run right out of them. Police found that Henderson’s abandoned pants contained his medical identification. It took cops about a week to catch up with Henderson (* no use hurrying), who was arrested last Tuesday morning for grand theft. But then, upon arrival at the Pinellas County jail, Henderson informed officers that he had a crack pipe concealed in his anus, which he kindly removed for the officers. The glass pipe was “stuffed” with steel wool and had burn marks on one end.
* And did HE have burn marks on one end?
* Did he know cops were coming, or is that where he normally keeps his crack pipe?
* And would that be why they call it a crack pipe? Why not call it a Holey Smoke?
* Guy should have worn suspenders.
* Suspenders is not a cool look, but neither is running out of your pants.
* Now there’s an image that won’t be easy to forget.
* This is the opposite of “being too big for your britches.”
* I’m just impressed he can lift two TVs at once.
* Congratulations, Columbus Henderson, you just made the Florida Wacky News Hall of Fame.
* Ironically, it was the crack pipe up his ass that put him over the top.
* Plus, let’s be honest here: everything is a little wackier when you weigh 350 pounds.