QUEEN’S DEATH PLANS LEAKED

Buckingham Palace officials are furious that somebody leaked the plans for when Queen Elizabeth eventually dies. The plan – called Operation London Bridge – reveals every detail of the official response. Here is what will happen:
– The day the Queen dies will be known as D-Day. (* D for daisies as, “She’s pushin’ up the daisies.”)
– The Prime Minister will be told by Buckingham Palace’s most senior courtier: “London Bridge is down.”
– Flags will be lowered to half-mast across Government buildings within 10 minutes and Parliament will adjourn if sitting.
– The Royal Family’s website will revert to a black holding page confirming the Queen’s death.
– A national minute of silence will be held.
– The Prime Minister will have a 6pm meeting with the new King Charles, whose succession is codenamed Operation Spring Tide.
– Prince Charles will be pronounced king the morning after his mother’s death, before immediately heading on a tour of the country to mourn with the public.
– The Queen’s coffin will lie in state for public viewing before her funeral, ten days later.
Despite the leaking of the royal plans, you should know that Queen Elizabeth remains in good health and the document’s leak doesn’t mean there’s been a change in her well-being.
* With detailed plans like that, who has time to die?
* Speaking of which, you know she’s not going to kick off until she has a chance to see the new James Bond movie, which comes out in October.
* No, the truth is, the Queen will not die. Ever. ‘Cause, y’know – space alien.
* Some of the other plans:
– Lady Mountbatten will rush in and destroy the Queen’s porn stash. (Or, ‘delete her browser history’ if you want a tamer line.)
– The palace guards will exchange their big tall black furry hats for silver-blue beehive wigs, in honor of the Queen’s hairstyle.
– Prince Andrew has been tasked with canceling all the Queen’s magazine subscriptions.
– Camilla will be hitched up to pull the carriage carrying the Queen’s coffin.
– Queen’s Greatest Hits will again rise to the top of the album charts, for no reason at all.
– For ten days, all British soccer players will wear skirts.
– Harry and Meghan Markle will immediately get blamed for everything.