PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS FOR 2024

It’s 2024, and there are still people calling themselves psychics making predictions for the year. But these all seem a little safer than usual.
Athos Salomé from Brazil predicts:
– 2024 will see humans finally make contact with aliens. Humans and aliens will communicate through “encrypted signals intercepted by a network of telescopes”
– An “asteroid abundant with rich materials” is hurtling for earth but will land safely this year. (* Land safely. I honestly didn’t know asteroids could do that.)
– There will be three major flashpoints of conflict in the Middle East and Africa – South Sudan, Somalia and Yemen. The US will be focused on battling fire and water. Hurricanes will bring deadly floods near the Gulf of Mexico. California, Oregon and Washington could suffer from further forest fires. (* Hmm. Never trust psychics who use words like “could” or “might” or “maybe.”)
London-based psychic Nicolas Aujula:
– The Royal Family will have another stressful year ahead. (* What are the odds?)
– Meghan Markle could be set for “heartache” in 2024.
Celebrity psychic John Cohan:
– Meghan Markle tries to get back into show business but bombs.
– Trevor Noah tries his hand at acting and becomes a huge success.
– Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston find their way back to one another.
– Kevin Costner finds love with someone half his age.
– Marlo Thomas and husband Phil Donahue get a TV special. (* My prediction: All of America will go, “Who?”)
Los Angeles psychic Judy Hevenly. (Yes, Hevenly):
– President Joe Biden will have a difficult path ahead the first quarter of 2024.
– The economy and stock market may face challenges at the beginning of the year
– Brad Pitt and Ines de Ramon talk marriage. (* Which will be a surprise to Jennifer Aniston.)
– Sad Goodbyes to Toby Keith, Michael J Fox, Ozzie Osborne, Bruce Willis, Shannon Daughty, Clint Eastwood, Liza Minelli, Jimmy Carter, Maggie Smith, and a foreign leader.
* Boy, these guys are good. And obviously they all read the newspaper and watch TV.