POOR UKRAINE TOWN WANTS TO CHANGE ITS NAME TO “NEW YORK”

The town of Novhorodske in the Ukraine wants to rename itself after New York City. Novhorodske has an aging chemical factory, communist-era apartment buildings and it’s located on the front line of Ukraine’s war with Russian-backed separatists, so there’s occasional shelling. It’s a pretty depressing place, but local authorities hope to spruce things up by renaming the town New York. The town was originally a German church settlement in the early 1800’s, and was actually called New York until it was changed to Novhorodske by the Soviets in 1951. Novhorodske’s Parliament is set to vote on the decision soon. If the name goes through, city leaders hope to establish contact with the American New York City.
* Oh, no you don’t! You can’t just change your name and expect to suck up to America like that.
* Novhorodske actually translates to “New Old New York.”
* American New York has to have a lot of old city signs in a warehouse somewhere they could send over, save the Ukrainian New York from having to paint new ones.
* This isn’t going to seem like such a great idea when they start accidentally getting New York City’s junk mail.
* You want to trade mayors? How about a governor? I’m sure New York Governor Cuomo would be glad to come run your place for awhile right about now.
* How come nobody ever wants to change their name to New Jersey? Weird.