POLICE NAB MACHETE-CARRYING CLOWN

Police in Guelph, Canada have arrested a machete-wielding, bike-riding clown. It happened around 2:30 a.m. Friday when a man “wearing a clown mask and carrying a machete” dragged another guy out of a nearby business. The victim managed to escape and run, and the clown tried to cycle away. Police were easily able to spot him because he had the machete hanging out of his clown backpack. Police said the original interaction at the business was over drugs, and a search of the masked man allegedly revealed fentanyl and drug paraphernalia, as well as a stolen debit card and driver’s license. The unnamed clown, 36, is now facing multiple pie-ings — I mean, charges.
* They chased him all the way back to Clown Alley.
* How did he expect to pedal a bicycle with those giant clown shoes?
* Personally, I think a clown on a Segway would be funnier looking.
* Clowns used to carry spray bottles of carbonated seltzer, but they just weren’t as intimidating as machetes.
* Cops said it was one of their more unusual collars. Red, with lots of ruffles.