PAUL REVERE'S OUTHOUSE DISCOVERED

Workers digging at the Paul Revere house in Boston’s North End believe they may have found an archaeological jackpot from the Revere family’s South End. Yes, they believe they have found Paul Revere’s outhouse. City Archaeologist Joe Bagley says that a find like this is important because people back in the Colonial Era threw a lot of stuff in their privies – household waste and other discarded items. The archaeological team has already found the handle to a German-made beer stein from the 1700s, as well as pieces of coal.
* That’s not coal, you morons.
* They also found a plank with the scribble: “Here doth I sit, broken of heart, for I needs me pass waste, yet canst only but fart.”
* I hope they find the Band-Aids he put on his ass blisters after that famous ride.
* This explains “Number One if by land, Number Two if by sea.”
* This is what it means to be privy to an exclusive archaeological discovery.