NEW TECH COMING TO THE CONSUMER ELECTRONICS SHOW

It’s Consumer Electronics Show time in Las Vegas. Here are some of the marvelous new electronic gizmos that will be introduced at the show, things that you won’t be able to live without in the future:
– A TV that rotates to play vertical videos
*… taken by your dumb father who can never remember to turn his camera sideways.
– A trash can that ties up its own garbage.
* Answering that age-old question, how lazy can you be?
– An Alexa that works in the shower.
* Perfect for asking, “Alexa, does this look infected?”
– A Robot Cat that can walk, stretch, play with toys, avoid obstacles and bite its nails. It can also recognize human faces and knows 20 commands and phrases, including “sit” and “come here.”
* Which immediately makes it superior to your current cat.
– The Manta5 Hydrofoil Bike – it’s part bike and part airplane, designed to mimic cycling, but on water. To repeat, it’s riding a bicycle on the water.
* Just watch your toes on those propellers, kids.
– An Oral-B electric toothbrush featuring a sensor to let users know they’re brushing too hard or just right.
* They’d make a fortune applying that technology down at the adult novelty store.
– Food shopping based on your DNA. At the supermarket, customers would take a DNA test on the spot via a saliva swab. Then using a wearable band, they can scan food products in the store to see what’s best for them based on their genetic makeup.
* And then they put the saliva swabs into a trash can that ties up its own garbage.
* Because nothing goes together like shopping for food and the words “saliva swabs.”
* The Consumer Electronics Show. Or as it’s called by inventors: The Shark Tank Losers Convention.
* How about a gadget that warns you when you’re about to buy a stupid new gadget?
* What a waste of time. All they had to do was say “Still no hoverboards.”