MY WORST HOUSEGUEST

Reddit recently asked, “What was the worst thing your guest did when they took ‘make yourself at home’ very literally?” Here are a few stories:
– “My mother-in-law tried to take my Le Creuset home because she thought it would match her kitchen and said I could ‘just buy myself another.'”
– “She deleted all of my passwords off my computer after asking to check her email.”
– “I had a friend-of-a-friend end up basically homeless and offered her a room for two weeks. Two weeks turned into four months. She let her boyfriend move in with her without asking me. They were night owls and would watch loud movies and cook at midnight. She trashed the room and left dirty dishes and clothes everywhere. She was supposed to help clean the house in exchange for rent, which she did maybe twice.”
– “She took a family photo that included my late wife and threw it in the trash and began telling me how we were going to redecorate my living room.”
– “My parents had a couple they were friends with, and invited them to any parties. They would show up when the meal was being served and leave immediately after with all the leftovers – EVERYTHING. They would even take the butter out of the dish to go along with any leftover rolls that were there.”
– “My mom’s male friend brought his girlfriend, Karen. When they were leaving, Karen was pretty much dragging him away to leave, and clutching a tote bag. The next day when I went to get dressed, I found that Karen stole all of my shoes.”
– “I came home, and he was sitting in his boxers on my kitchen counter, washing his feet and trimming toenails in my sink.”
– “College friend couldn’t stay in the dorm and didn’t want to go home. I came home from work and found she had eaten all of my Ferrero Rocher chocolates that I got for Christmas – 25 of them.”
* Obviously the answer is to lock all houseguests in the bathroom.
* And strip-search them before they leave.
* How come nobody ever does something nice? Like “I mentioned to my houseguest that my hardwood floors were looking dingy. She had them sanded and rewaxed while I was out shopping.”
* What’s the deal with rearranging other people’s houses? Everybody thinks they’re on HGTV these days.
* Remember when nobody could visit ’cause of COVID? Good times!
* PHONE TOPIC: Have you had the houseguest from hell?