MONDAY, July 29 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR MONDAY, July 29, 2024
(Print button is at bottom of post. To print with larger type, cut and paste content into a document, and print that document.)

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: O-O-O-OLYMPICS SOUNDER; OLYMPICS – LUCKY HARMS CEREAL

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

ANNIVERSARY OF THE ARMY CHAPLAIN CORPS
The Army History website says this:
“As long as armies have existed, military chaplains have served alongside soldiers, providing for their spiritual needs, working to improve morale, and aiding the wounded. The Bible tells of the early Israelites bringing their priests into battle with them. Pagan priests accompanied the Roman legions during their conquests; as Christianity became the predominant religion of the Roman Empire, Christian chaplains administered to Roman soldiers. In fact, the word chaplain is derived from cappa, the Latin word for cloak. The U.S. Army Chaplain Corps is one of the oldest and smallest branches of the Army. The Chaplain Corps dates back to July 29, 1775, when the Continental Congress authorized one chaplain for each regiment of the Continental Army, with pay equaling that of a captain. In addition to chaplains serving in Continental regiments, many militia regiments counted chaplains among their ranks.”

INTERNATIONAL CHICKEN WING DAY

INTERNATIONAL TIGER DAY
The Tiger Day website says this:
“International Tiger Day, also known as Global Tiger Day, is an annual celebration to raise awareness for tiger conservation, held annually on 29 July.”

NATIONAL CHICKEN WING DAY

NATIONAL LASAGNA DAY

July is:

Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month
Air Conditioning Appreciation Month
Baked Bean Month
Cell Phone Courtesy Month
Family Reunion Month
International Blondie and Deborah Harry Month
National Blueberries Month
National Grilling Month
National Hot Dog Month
National Ice Cream Month
Melon Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites

MONDAY, July 29

“30 for 30: American Son”
ESPN – New Docuseries, ESPN
Synopsis: The story of Michael Chang’s improbable rise as a young American tennis star, and his family’s immigrant journey which shaped his destiny.

Season Premiere:
Hulu – “Futurama”

WEDNESDAY, July 31

“Mountain Queen: The Summits of Lhakpa Sherpa”
Netflix – Documentary
Synopsis: A Nepali mountaineer risks everything on a record-breaking Mount Everest climb to secure a brighter future for her daughters.

“Women in Blue”
Apple TV+ – New Series
Synopsis: In 1971, four women defy ultraconservative norms and join Mexico’s first female police force—only to discover that it’s a publicity stunt to distract the media from a serial killer. As the body count grows, they make a pact to bring the killer to justice. Spanish language.

Season Premiere:
Netflix – “Unsolved Mysteries” (Season 4, Netflix)

OLYMPIC UPDATES

(Note: Just to remind you that we have daily funny “Olympic Updates” in the MP3 column on the Main Prep Page – one for every day of the games. If you have trouble getting to it, contact us and we’ll help you.)
– Women’s Tennis Team Leaves Olympic Housing For Hotel: Coco Gauff revealed that she’s the only Team USA women’s tennis player living inside the Olympic Village in Paris after a cramped living situation forced the rest of her teammates to flee to a hotel. With a short video to demonstrate the living conditions, Gauff wrote, “10 girls, two bathrooms. All the tennis girls moved to a hotel except me. So now just five girls, two bathrooms.”
* Also known as ‘my house growing up.’
– Olympic Dad Bod Bob: Sunday morning, somebody lost a swim cap in the Olympic pool during the 100-meter women’s breaststroke heats. They sent an Olympic official to retrieve it. Out walked – oh, not a young, lithe, athletic-looking swimmer, but a middle-aged guy with a healthy dad bod packed into a tight French Speedo. NBC televised the whole thing, dubbing the man “Bob the Cap Catcher.” Bob got a good round of applause after retrieving the cap, and also internet fame: the incident has gone viral.
* Yeah, check out your mom’s TikTok feed. You’ll find him.

THE BUZZ

ACTS OF MODERN CHIVALRY

From the Bolde website, here are Twenty Examples of Modern Chivalry:
1. He calls when he says he will.
2. He checks you got home safe.
3. He texts during the day to say he was thinking about you.
4. He turns his phone off when he’s with you.
5. He’s open about his plans.
6. He plans dates.
7. He calls instead of texts.
8. He cleans up nicely.
9. He pays the bill.
10. He walks you to your front door.
11. He kisses you on the forehead.
12. He cooks you dinner.
13. He brings you thoughtful gifts.
14. He walks closest to the road.
15. He doesn’t eye out other women.
16. He’s nice to your parents.
17. He gives you real compliments.
18. He lets you order first.
19. He introduces you.
20. He makes sure you’re having a great time.
* Who made up this list? Queen Victoria?
* I don’t know who this guy is, but did he get stuck with the most High Maintenance Girlfriend on the planet or what???
* Well, that list ran out of steam pretty quick.
* “He pays the bill.” What year is this, 2018? #EqualPay, baby!
* In the movies, a guy this perfect usually turns out to be a psycho.
* Wait – I screwed up. This story is about the new Dating Robot from Sony.

U.S. NEWS

NEBRASKA TEEN CRASHES TRAIN FOR YOUTUBE VIDEO

A Nebraska teenager has been charged with causing a train to derail, recording the crash and posting the video on YouTube. The 17-year-old had allegedly tampered with a rail switch, causing two locomotives and five loaded Burlington Northern cars to jump the rails in Bennet, Nebraska, on April 21. The train conductor saw that the switch wasn’t right and tried to make an emergency stop but was too late. While the railcars remained upright, one crashed into an empty coal car, causing $350,000 in damage. The teenager later approached an investigator after the crash and asked what caused it. When the investigator said it was undetermined, the teen told him “obviously a switch was flipped the wrong way.” Authorities later discovered that a tripod had been set up near the accident site, and the teen showed investigators the video he shot of the derailment.
* Wait – I saw this movie. It’s “The Fablemans” – this is how Steven Spielberg started.
* Boys will be boys, huh?
* Now his LIFE is derailed.
* “Hello? Yes, officer, that’s my son’s name. In trouble? What’d he do now, light off a coupla firecrackers? Ha ha ha h—-wait, what now?”

AUDIO: THIEF STEALS $1,500 WORTH OF NIPPLE RINGS

Somebody stole $1,500 worth of nipple rings from Skin City Tattoo & Piercing Supply in Tacoma, Washington. Surveillance footage shows a man grabbing a tray full of nipple rings and running out of the store around 1:30 p.m. on Tuesday. Store owner Ken Plager said that when videos and photos of the theft were posted online, he started receiving tips within minutes. “People know who he is,” said Plager.
* So his plan had a hole in it.
* Is it the Ring-go Kid?
* This it udderly outrageous.
* Come on, police, BUST this guy!
CLIP: You know what you have to do about nipple ring thievery, right? Nip it in the bud!
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/BarneyFife-NipIt(dot)mp3

ELDERLY COUPLE SUES BOAR’S HEAD MEAT

An elderly Missouri couple has filed a lawsuit against Boar’s Head meats related to the recent listeria outbreak, which sickened nearly three dozen people and caused two deaths. Patrick and Sue Fleming are seeking upward of $25,000 for injuries and damages from Boar’s Head for medical expenses, “loss of enjoyment of life” and “damage to the marital relationship.” After eating Boar’s Head liverwurst that Patrick, 76, purchased at a Schnucks Markets in June, Sue, 88, became “deathly ill,” per the complaint. The lawsuit states that Patrick Fleming “has lost the love, services, consortium, comfort, instruction, guidance, counsel, and support of his spouse, which he would have received in the usual course of his married life.”
* Mrs. Fleming must make a damn good sandwich.
* The wife became “deathly ill,” which was inconvenient for the husband. Nice.
* You know what the Boar’s Head lawyers said in response? Yes you do: “Baloney!”
* Legal observers call the Boar’s Head deli meat lawsuit the wurst they’ve ever seen.

LIBRARY INSTALLS DRIVING SIMULATOR

The Annapolis, Maryland, Public Library unveiled a new driving simulator. It’s run by a desktop computer. There are three flat screen computer monitors, tilted to mimic the front and side windows of a car. The steering wheel is just as sensitive as the wheel of a real car. The simulator is available for anyone 14 and up to use, whether it’s a teenager still trying to get comfortable behind the wheel, or a more experienced driver trying to brush up their skills. It even offers a manual option to help someone learn how to drive a stick shift. And, like any good library, it’s free to use. The simulator offers a variety of driving conditions — you can set it to nighttime or bad weather, city or country. It also allows you to try different sized vehicles, from a compact car to a large delivery truck, and you can even change the setting to simulate inebriated or distracted driving. And if you hit something, it makes the sound of whatever you hit.
* Including screaming?
* Does it teach GOOD driving? Like electric shocks if you go slow in the left lane or don’t use turn signals?
* If you have trouble getting it to do anything at all, you have it in Tesla Cybertruck mode.
* They’ve even got a ‘rolling coal’ setting so you can gas out those nerds in the Reference section.
* It’s very realistic. There are fast food wrappers all over the floor.
* Before you use the simulator, though, the librarian makes you watch that infamous Signal 30 driver’s ed film.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

INDIAN MAN COMMITS CRIME TO PROVE HE’S NOT DEAD

An Indian man who had wrongfully been pronounced dead by the government started committing crimes as a way of proving that he was still alive. Baburam Bhil tried to convince authorities that he was still alive after they issued a death certificate in his name. He was worried that the government would take all of his property after determining he was dead. He figured the best way to draw attention to his problem was to do something illegal. On July 19, he grabbed a knife and a bottle of gasoline and went into a local school, injuring two teachers and the principal. He took several students and teachers hostage until law enforcement arrived and arrested him. His plan worked: in addition to being under arrest, the police have announced an investigation into his mistaken death certificate.
* I maybe would have just jaywalked, but kidnapping and making terroristic threats would work, too.
* Mistakenly declared dead? How boring a life did this guy lead?
* Unfortunately, the penalty for kidnapping in India is death, so there you go.
* At least they didn’t decide he was a zombie.

WOMEN BREAK RECORD FOR ROWING ACROSS THE PACIFIC

A pair of British women broke the world record for the fastest row across the Pacific Ocean — by nine days. Jessica Oliver, 32, and Charlotte Harris, 33, started the World’s Toughest Row Pacific Challenge on June 8 in Monterey, California, with the goal of rowing 2,800 miles to Kauai, Hawaii. At one point, their 23-foot-long boat lost its automatic steering. They encountered 13-foot waves and were almost hit by an oil tanker. Thirty-seven days, 11 hours and 43 minutes later, Oliver and Harris arrived in Hawaii having broken the world record for fastest row by female pairs, and the fastest row by overall pairs.
* So, uh…. good for you? Hey, did you know the Olympics were going on?
* Almost hit by an oil tanker, ’cause those things can really sneak up on you fast.
* They said the boat trip was okay, but they were a little disappointed in the all-you-can-eat buffet – all fish and power bars.
* Some people will try anything to avoid political news.

A LEGO CREMATION OVEN

There are Lego sets for everything these days. How about a cremation oven? Vienna, Austria has a famous large central cemetery, home to the remains of Beethoven and Johann Strauss and many other famous Austrians. The cemetery is also home to Bestattungsmuseum, the Funeral Museum. The museum thought it would be a good idea to help youngsters better understand difficult issues of death by introducing LEGO sets based on funeral ceremonies. While the kits are not an official LEGO product (* go figure!), the museum created, out of Legos, a funeral truck and a horse-drawn hearse, and now there is a full Lego cemetery with tombstones, tombs, excavators, and little Lego people to represent cemetery gravediggers and mourners. There is also a Lego crematorium in which a little Lego casket can be inserted.
* Endorsed by Wednesday Addams.
* So the kids learn that when grampa dies, they get a new toy. This should really keep grandma on her toes.
* This opens up a whole new line of toys. The Hot Wheels Hearse, for example. Or Mourning Barbie with Undertaker Ken.
* Hot new toy!
* Who knew Vienna was such a fun place?

TRENDING

JENNIFER GARNER STUCK IN ELEVATOR AT COMIC-CON

Jennifer Garner attended the famous San Diego Comic-Con for the first time this year but almost didn’t make it thanks to a stuck elevator. The actress, who was on hand to support her cameo role in “Deadpool and Wolverine,” shared a series of videos documenting the ordeal on her Instagram, with the caption, “Baby’s first Comic Con: a short story.” Starting off at two minutes into being stuck, Garner said, “Hey guys, we’re stuck on this elevator. I need, um, I could use a Wolverine, I could use a Deadpool. I could use someone.” The next video showed Garner eleven minutes in, when she said she was getting “toasty” and “shvitzing” aka sweating, joking, “I need to blot.” By forty-five minutes, she was singing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall,” while someone on her team called to explain they were stuck on the “f—ing” elevator. At the one-hour mark, they heard noise and beeping, hopefully indicating something was being fixed. Garner started to quietly sing Madonna’s “Like A Prayer,” which features prominently in “Deadpool and Wolverine.” Finally, after an hour and twelve minutes, firefighters arrived to crack open the doors, prompting cheers from Garner and her team.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR. TO PLAY DR. DOOM

Robert Downey Jr. is returning to the Marvel Cinematic Universe as villainous Doctor Doom in a new “Avengers” movie titled “Avengers: Doomsday.” While Downey’s Iron Man character was killed off in the Avengers franchise, he has said in recent interviews that he was open to returning to Marvel. Downey’s return as the villainous Victor von Doom comes as a massive shock to the fandom. Well, not exactly a shock – the crowd at the San Diego Comic-Con went crazy when Downey ripped off his Dr Doom mask revealing himself.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DWI; LAWYER SAYS HE WASN’T DRUNK

A hearing in the case of Justin Timberlake being accused of driving while intoxicated was held Friday, where an attorney for the singer disputed his arrest in June. According to court records,Timberlake told police during the arrest he “had one martini and I followed my friends home.” Edward Burke, attorney for Timberlake, who was not in court Friday, said in a statement, “The most important fact to know about this case is that Justin was not intoxicated and should not have been arrested for DWI. The police made a number of very significant errors in this case. Justin respects law enforcement and the very important job that they do. He cooperated with the police officers at all times and treated them with the respect they deserve. He also respects the entire judicial process including the District Attorney and Judge who were in court today. But the fact remains, he was not intoxicated and they made an error in arresting him for it. We are confident that this charge will be dismissed.” An arraignment in the case is scheduled for next month.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE (July 26-28)

1. Deadpool & Wolverine – $205 million
2. Twisters – $36 million
3. Despicable Me 4 – $14.4 million
4. Inside Out 2 – $8 million
5. Longlegs – $6.7 million

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 2, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Wednesday – Patriot Day
Sept. 20, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Sunday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 8:44 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Josh Radnor (actor, “How I Met Your Mother”) … 50
James Otto (country singer) … 51
Wil Wheaton (actor, author) … 52
Martina McBride (country singer) … 58
Alexandra Paul (actress, “Sharknado 4,” “Supernatural,” “Baywatch”) … 61
Patti Scialfa (singer with Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band) … 71
Geddy Lee (singer-bassist with Rush) … 71
Ken Burns (documentary maker) … 71
Neal Doughty (keyboardist with REO Speedwagon) … 78

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I can’t be the big star in the family. We have a family, and we are all equal.”

(A) Kim Kardashian
(B) Miley Cyrus
(C) Martina McBride

ANSWER: (C) Martina McBride

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1981 – Britain’s Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were married in a lavish royal ceremony.
* If ever there was a man and woman who should have just stayed “friends” …

1914 – The first transcontinental telephone call took place between parties in New York and San Francisco.
* Everyone agreed the party in New York had better food but the party in San Francisco had better decorations.

1890 – Artist Vincent van Gogh died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Auvers, France.
* “I have nothing to live for! All my paintings are sloppy messes!”

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2019 – “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X became the longest-running No.1 in U.S. chart history to date after it topped the Billboard Hot 100 for 17 weeks, overtaking Luis Fonsi’s “Despacito” and Mariah Carey’s “One Sweet Day,” which both spent 16 weeks at No.1. The rapper, a college dropout from Atlanta, recorded the song in 2018, using a backing track he bought online for $30.

2007 – Heart problems forced Kiss singer and guitarist Paul Stanley to abandon a show in California. Paramedics stopped and restarted his heart to give it a regular rhythm after his heart spontaneously jumped to 190 plus beats per minute.

2006 – Pamela Anderson married for the second time, to rapper Kid Rock, on a yacht off the French resort of St. Tropez. The 39-year-old former Baywatch star divorced from rock star Tommy Lee in 1998, and had recently got back together with Kid Rock, after a brief engagement ended in 2003. Anderson and Rock split after four months of marriage.

1987 – Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream signed a deal with the Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia for a new flavor called “Cherry Garcia.”

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 36% of employees surveyed say THIS is the worst thing a boss can do. What is it?
Forget your name

2. 7% of employers surveyed say they’ve fired someone for doing THIS at work. What is it?
Shopping online

3. Nearly 60% of employers surveyed say they’re are less likely to promote someone who does THIS at work. What is it?
Uses profanity

(c) 2024
MORNING SIDEKICK RADIO SHOW PREP & COMEDY
8062 West Massey Circle
Littleton, CO 80128
USA
morningsidekick(at)gmail(dot)(com)
Tel: 303-727-9111