MONDAY, Aug 5 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR MONDAY, August 5, 2024
(Print button is at bottom of post. To print with larger type, cut and paste content into a document, and print that document.)

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: OLYMPIC SPECIMEN CUP

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL OYSTER DAY

NATIONAL UNDERWEAR DAY

WORK LIKE A DOG DAY

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites

TUESDAY, August 6

“At Witt’s End – The Hunt for a Killer”
Hulu – New Docuseries
Synopsis: An unexpected tip from prison leads to a convicted serial killer as a potential suspect in the cold case investigation of 19-year-old Melissa Witt.

“Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the Chicago Bears”
HBO – New Docuseries
Synopsis: An unprecedented, all-access look at the Chicago Bears in their training camp, led by 2024’s first overall draft pick, QB Caleb Williams.

WEDNESDAY, August 7

“Dance Moms: A New Era”
Hulu – New reality show.
Synopsis: Dance coach Glo Hampton wants to take her students and prestigious dance school Studio Bleu to the next level, but must juggle her dancers, their scheming moms, and ensuing meltdowns, all while ruling with a tender but tough iron fist.

“Love Is Blind: U.K.”
Netflix – New reality Dating Show
Synopsis: 30 men and women will meet a host of potential soulmates without seeing them. If they get engaged, the couples will then lay their eyes on their fiancés for the very first time, and see whether their physical connection can match their emotional one. Once they’re back in the real world, the couples will determine once and for all whether love is truly blind, as the realities of everyday life sink in and their much-awaited wedding day finally arrives.

OLYMPIC NOTES: MONDAY, AUGUST 5

(Note: Just to remind you that we have produced enough daily funny Olympic Updates to carry you through this final week. Look for them in the Comedy MP3 column on the Main Prep Page.)

– Pole Vaulter Clears Bar, Catches It With His Junk On The Way Down: French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati missed his jump and lost his Olympic dream on Saturday. Ammirati was attempting to clear 5.70m during his third attempt at the Paris Olympics on Saturday. But after he cleared the bar and was coming down, he caught it with his, uh, baguette, in a glorious, televised, slow-motion wobble. The miss kept him from advancing out of his heat, and it was his only event.
* Oh, I think the misses will keep on coming. Or, as they call them in France, the mademoiselles.
* If that doesn’t get you onto a box of Wheaties, I don’t know what will.
* “Anthony, you forgot your pole!” “No, I didn’t.”

– Judo Athlete Disqualified For Poor Sportsmanship: Georgian judo competitor Guram Tushishvili was disqualified after unsportsmanlike behavior towards his French opponent, Teddy Riner. The quarterfinal match ended in disqualification after Tushishvili first lost to Riner and then, upon getting up from the mat, drove his leg into Riner’s crotch, then pushed the two-time gold medalist’s head into the ground. Tushishvili quickly got a red card for his behavior and was disqualified from the tournament, preventing him from competing for the bronze medal.
* That Georgian guy’s a sore loser, but I bet the other guy is an even sorer winner.

– Greek Water Polo Team Lifts Cars Out Of The Way – The Greek men’s water polo team was taking the bus back to the Olympic village on Friday when they encountered two poorly parked cars in the Paris street, blocking the bus. The whole water polo team got out of the bus and literally picked up each car, moving them out of the way so the bus could pass.
* No WAY they were going to be late for their hook-ups.

AUDIO: DEMI MOORE PROMOTES FARTS

Demi Moore is now promoting farts. The actress, now 61, partnered with Wonderbelly antacids to promote their newly-issued ‘An Adult’s Guide To Farts’ picture book, aimed at battling the embarrassment often linked with bodily functions. Demi tells People magazine (* Oh, People magazine, how far you’ve fallen. Not really.) Demi says, “Digestive health is an important yet often taboo topic. As babies, we’re celebrated for bodily functions like pooping and farting, but as adults, we often hide these normal processes. Conversations I had with Lucas, a founder of Wonderbelly, inspired the book ‘An Adult’s Guide to Farts,’ highlighting that accepting these functions is better for our physical well-being.”
* Seriously, were all the good causes taken? Fibromyalgia? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Babesia? Surely Babesia needs a spokesman.
* It’s the yuckiest celebrity tie-in since Jamie Lee Curtis was the spokesperson for Activia yogurt for people who can’t poop.
* If you’re going to interview Demi for this book, make sure you do it outside, in an open area.
* A whole book about farts? Tell me you can’t say everything there is to say with one printed sheet of bullet points.
* Maybe she’s just tooting her own horn.
* Speaking of stinkers, anybody remember her in “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle”?
* Little known fact: Demi Moore is famous for lighting farts, and that’s where they got the title for her movie “St. Elmo’s Fire.”
CLIP: A tasteful little fart sound.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/FartSound(dot)mp3

THE BUZZ

THE SIX-SECOND KISS

Want to keep that spark in your marriage? An intimacy specialist recommends a six-second kiss every day. John Gottman and his wife are the founders of the Gottman Institute, which trains couples therapists. They say six seconds is not an arbitrary number. After studying more than 3,000 couples over 30 years, the Gottmans found that six seconds of intentional intimacy is enough to trigger the release of oxytocin. It’s the same hormone that’s widely believed to be responsible for bonding a baby with its mother. The Gottmans say it builds trust in a relationship by calming down the fear center of the brain. Gottman cited previous research that suggests a 20-second hug does the same.
* So does a shot of bourbon.
* Six seconds is just long enough to realize, “Ew – coffee breath.”
* A 6-second kiss and a 20-second hug is just a couple’s way of bargaining down from a 5-minute backrub.
* Who can stand a kiss for six seconds? Oh, wait – I thought we were talking about the band KISS.
* So a husband and wife can call themselves an “institute” and get global news coverage. Is this a great country or what?

SOMEBODY CHANGED THE ALPHABET SONG WHEN NOBODY WAS LOOKING

There is fresh outrage now because somebody went and changed the Alphabet Song. Children are reportedly coming home from school singing an altered version. The tune is the same, “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”:
— Classic version: A-B-C-D-E-F-G (pause) H-I-J-K-LMNOP (pause) Q-R-S (pause) T-U-V (pause) W-X (pause) Y and Z / Now I know my ABCs / Next time won’t you sing with me?
— New way: A-B-C-D-E-F-G (pause) H-I-J-K-L-M-N (pause) O-P-Q (pause) R-S-T (pause) U-V-W, X-Y-Z / Now I never will forget / how to say the alphabet.
This new version is not really so new, it first circulated in 2012 on social media via the educational website Dream English. The lack of rushing “LMNOP” and taking out the word “and” before Z helps avoid confusion for foreign students learning to speak English.
* I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
* Well, that’s a U problem.
* I only use 25 letters anymore, since I cut my X out of my life.
* Pirates can never complete the alphabet, because they get lost at C.
* If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
* Anyway, let’s get the L out of here and check on traffic.
* Thanks. Now can we please update The 12 Days of Christmas???

U.S. NEWS

MAN CAUGHT LICKING AND SUCKING STRANGER’S HAIR

A 35-year-old man was caught licking and sucking the hair of an 18-year-old woman he did not know. The incident happened at the Arbor Place Mall in Douglasville, Georgia. Suspect Devon Davis was charged with simple battery, he bonded out and has been ordered to not return to Arbor Place Mall or approach his alleged victim.
* Wow, don’t you think that punishment’s a little excessive?
* Didn’t he learn anything from Joe Biden? You can touch and sniff women’s hair – not lick and suck it. Sheesh!
* Who licks another person’s hair? Is he cosplaying a cat?
* He was probably at the mall shopping for food formulated for human hairballs.
* You can always tell a man by how he holds his licker.

FLORIDA WOMAN DROWNS ROOMMATE’S PET SPIDER IN GINGER ALE

In Crestview, Florida, a woman was charged with animal cruelty last Monday after drowning her roommate’s pet jumping spider in Ginger Ale. Ilena Rasmusen allegedly took the $70 spider while the roommate was away from their shared home and killed it. The arrest report states that the roommate, after saying she could not find her pet spider, received a text from 43-year-old Rasmussen admitting to drowning the jumping spider in the Ginger Ale. For the record, jumping spiders are about as big as your fingernail. According to the internet, the diminutive jumping spiders have developed a reputation as a charming and curious pet. They are harmless to humans. They feed on other insects and spiders that are equal to or smaller in size.
* You can learn more about jumping spiders on, uh, the web.
* When is the “charming” part supposed to kick in?
* What kind of ginger ale was it, Canada Die?
* The sad part – the spider preferred tonic water.
* Maybe she should have bought a swimming spider instead.

TRENDINGMATT DAMON WANTS A ROBIN WILLIAMS STATUE

Matt Damon is pushing for a Robin Williams statue in Boston. There has been a proposal for a bronze statue of Williams placed on the bench in the Boston Public Garden, where he and Matt Damon had an iconic scene in the film “Good Will Hunting.” The bench where they sat overlooking a small pond is a tourist destination for many, who often leave flowers or notes in homage to Williams. Damon says, “The idea being if you feel alone … you can go sit next to him, which I think is the coolest idea. It would be the most beautiful installation and such a tribute to that guy who I think would have loved that.”

AEROSMITH STOPS TOURING

Aerosmith on Friday announced they they are going to stop touring. Whether they will perform again is still up in the air. The band released a statement reading, in part, “As you know, Steven’s voice is an instrument like no other. He has spent months tirelessly working on getting his voice to where it was before his injury. We’ve seen him struggling despite having the best medical team by his side. Sadly, it is clear, that a full recovery from his vocal injury is not possible. We have made a heartbreaking and difficult, but necessary, decision – as a band of brothers – to retire from the touring stage. We are grateful beyond words for everyone who was pumped to get on the road with us one last time. Grateful to our expert crew, our incredible team and the thousands of talented people who’ve made our historic runs possible. A final thank you to you – the best fans on planet Earth. Play our music loud, now and always.”

GOD BLESS HARRISON FORD FOR SPEAKING THE TRUTH

Harrison Ford, who is appearing in his first Marvel film as the Red Hulk, is using motion-capture technology to achieve the character’s transformation. Ford is playing Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross, who transforms into the Red Hulk in the new Anthony Mackie-led “Captain America: Brave New World” film out next year. When asked what it took to film those scenes, the “Indiana Jones” actor told Variety, “What did it take? It took not caring. It took being an idiot for money, which I’ve done before.” He added, “I don’t mean to disparage it. I’m just saying you have to do certain things that normally your mother would not want you to do — or your acting coach, if you had one. But it’s fun, and I enjoyed it. I had a great time, and I’m delighted at the response that we got with the trailer.”

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’S LICENSE SUSPENDED OVER DWI CHARGE

Justin Timberlake’s driver’s license was suspended Friday during a hearing for his DWI case on Long Island. Timberlake appeared virtually for the proceedings from Antwerp, Belgium, where he is stopping on his world tour. The judge suspended the pop singer’s license because he refused to take a breathalyzer test when he was pulled over near June 18.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE (August 2-4)

1. Deadpool & Wolverine – $97 million
2. Twisters – $22.6 million
3. Trap – $15.6
4. Despicable Me 4 – $11.2 million
5. Inside Out 2 – $6.7 million

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 2, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Wednesday – Patriot Day
Sept. 20, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Sunday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 8:44 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 14, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Wednesday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Thursday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Jesse Williams (actor, “Grey’s Anatomy”) … 44
Stephanie Szostak (actress, “A Million Little Things”) … 53
6Terri Clark (country singer) … 54
Mark O’Connor (country fiddle player and composer, six-time CMA Musician of the Year) … 63
Maureen McCormick (actress, Marcia on “The Brady Bunch”) … 68
Loni Anderson (actress, “WKRP in Cincinatti”) … 79

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“If you aren’t going to do something all the way, don’t do it.”

(A) Elon Musk
(B) Caitlyn Jenner
(C) Maureen McCormick

ANSWER: (C) Maureen McCormick

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2010 – Thirty-three workers were trapped in a copper mine in northern Chile after a tunnel caved in. (They were rescued after being entombed for 69 days).
* On the bright side, they missed that awful “Yogi Bear” movie.

2002 – The coral-encrusted gun turret of the Civil War ironclad USS Monitor was raised from the floor of the Atlantic.
* Hey, with the military stretched so thin around the world, we need all the weapons we can get!

1962 – Actress Marilyn Monroe was found dead in her Los Angeles home at age 36. Her death was ruled a probable suicide from an overdose of sleeping pills.
* Yes, it can be very stressful being a fabulously attractive sex symbol. Believe me, I know.

1921 – The first baseball game to be broadcast on radio aired on KDKA in Pittsburgh.
* It went over big with people who were tired of watching the players scratch themselves.

1914 – The first electric traffic light was installed, in Cleveland, Ohio.
* It didn’t take long for people to learn that Red means Stop, Green means Go, and Yellow means Go Faster.

1861 – The U.S. government enacted the first income tax. All incomes over $800 were taxed 3 percent.
* People worked at jobs that paid just $800 a year? What – were they all in radio?

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2021 – Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts, 80, announced he would be unable to accompany the band on its 2021 U.S. tour, based on medical advice. He died later that month on August 24.

2021 – Singer Tony Bennett, 95, gave his last ever performance, the second of two sold-out shows with Lady Gaga at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. A week later, Bennett, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2016, announced he was retiring from performing.

2009 – Steven Tyler was airlifted to a hospital after falling off the stage during a gig at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota. The 61-year-old Aerosmith singer fell from a catwalk onto a couple of fans, suffering neck and shoulder injuries. About 30 minutes after the accident, guitarist Joe Perry came out to tell the crowd that the remainder of the show had been cancelled.

2009 – A 53-year-old who claimed he was secretly engaged to Miley Cyrus was charged with trying to stalk the singer. Mark McLeod was arrested after trying to contact the Hannah Montana actress on a film set near Savannah, Georgia.

2007 – DNA testing on about a dozen people who claimed late soul star James Brown was their father revealed that at least two of them were telling the truth.

1983 – Crosby Stills Nash & Young member David Crosby was sentenced to five years in jail in Texas for cocaine and firearms offenses. Crosby slept through most of his trial.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. In a recent survey, almost 95% of people said that it unacceptable to do THIS at work. What is it?
Play music without wearing headphones

2. In a recent survey, people were split – 51% no, 49% yes – on whether it’s okay to occasionally do THIS at work. What is it?
Make personal phone calls

3. According to a recent survey, around 40% of people said they mad at their co-workers when they do THIS. What is it?
Leave a splattered mess in the microwave

(c) 2024
MORNING SIDEKICK RADIO SHOW PREP & COMEDY
8062 West Massey Circle
Littleton, CO 80128
USA
morningsidekick(at)gmail(dot)(com)
Tel: 303-727-9111