MAN WALKS AROUND WITH HIS MUMMY IN A BAG

Police in Peru confiscated a mummified human, between 600 and 800 years old, from a former food delivery man who was carrying it in an isothermal bag used to deliver food to people’s homes. The man, 26-year-old Julio Bermejo, who was inebriated, said that the mummy, whom he called “Juanita,” has been in his family for three decades, since his father first brought it home. She was “like my spiritual girlfriend,” he said. He denied he was trying to sell the mummy and said he was carrying it around because “my friends wanted to see it.” The mummy, which was wrapped in bandages in the fetal position, was given over to the Ministry of Culture who determined that it was not female, but a “mummified adult male, at least 45 years old, presumably from the eastern area of Puno,” a region in the Peruvian Andes. Mr. Bermejo was being held for investigation.
* A male? That’s so much less romantic.
* “Hey, how come this mummy smells like pizza?”
* Well, he’s boned. And so is his mummy – ha!
* Juanita always did like to travel.
* I’ve heard of blow-up girlfriends, but never one that came Some Assembly Required.
* That’s all the info I have, so let’s wrap up the mummy story.