MAN STEALS, GETS OFF ON, POOL FLOATS

A Florida Man has pleaded guilty to a months-long burglary spree. His crime – stealing dozens of inflatable pool floats. The city of Palm Bay had been plagued with reported thefts of pool floats. Christopher Monnin, 41, was the prime suspect. He was arrested after cops spotted him at 1:30 in the morning riding a bicycle and carrying a white garbage bag full of deflated pool floats. Monnin reportedly admitted stealing the floats and told police that he “sexually gratifies himself with them.” Mr. Monnin does not have a pool. Cops found about 75 pool floats in the house, including a lounge chair with cup holders, a duck float, a lobster, a French fries float, a pizza float, a turtle, a whale, a banana, an elephant, a watermelon, and a float shaped like a piece of bacon. (* Sorry, I’m just not finding any of those to be particularly sexy. Which I guess is a good thing.) The court ruled that he “requires specialized treatment for a mental disorder, and was “amenable to treatment.”
* “You folks can come pick up your stolen pool floats any time, y’hear?”
* I imagine this guy has terrific lung capacity.
* What’s the history here? After awhile, regular blow-up dolls just got boring?
* I just hope TLC doesn’t hear about this and gives the guy his own show.
* His biggest concern, like many in America today, is inflation.