MAN EATS 5-1/2 POUND BURRITO

The world’s 18th-ranked competitive eater has become the first person to ever finish a California eatery’s famous 5-1/2 pound burrito. Pablo Martinez, the 18th ranked competitive eater in Major League Eating, ate the 3-foot-long Anaconda Burrito at Taqueria Yareli in Fresno in 13 minutes and 8 seconds. No one before Martinez had ever finished it. Because he did, he got his meal free. “Burritos are my specialty – this will definitely be the longest burrito I’ve eaten,” Martinez said, adding: “Mark my words, I won’t be the last. There will be others who will come to do this,” he said.
* Mark his words. Mark them with a grease spot from the burrito.
* “If you fold it, they will come.”
* Other people have eaten the whole burritos, except with, y’know, two or three friends.
* I had to loosen my belt just READING this story.
* Coincidentally there was also a 3-foot-long blue flame coming out his ass.
* It sounds impressive until you remember this year’s hot dog contest winner ate 70 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes.
* We actually have world competitive eater rankings? So much for the War on Obesity.
* Hey, let’s make this an Olympic event. The U.S. would clean up.
* The crazy thing is when he was finally done he ordered a taco.
* I don’t know where he is now, but I’m guessing the bathroom.
* Keep a plumber on standby.
(video, and know going into it that it does NOT look like a burrito, here: https://www.youtube.com/embed/5e-lrQIBo30)