MAN DRIVES OVER 60 SMALL TREES

Authorities in Syracuse, New York, say a 30-year-old man has been charged with driving over dozens of small trees in three parks and a cemetery, causing thousands of dollars in damage. Most were completely uprooted and sustained too much damage to be replanted. The trees had been planted within the past year. Police say the estimated damage totals more than $25,000. A Syracuse man was arrested last Wednesday and charged with criminal mischief. Police say they’re investigating why he damaged the trees.
* Let me guess: he works for a local tree farm?
* Guy’s a real son-of-a-beech. ( or son-of-a-birch)
* This guy is the Anti-Tree Hugger.
* So sad. The local willows were all weeping.
* The damage was more than $25,000, but they did get 100 bucks worth of firewood out of the deal.
* I’m envious of this guy. I don’t think my car could drive over a small tree.
* Okay, class: come up with an explanation that makes sense out of this.
* My theory is he didn’t have a Christmas tree one year as a kid, and this is a grudge.
* Not impressed? Okay, my other theory is that he’s bat-guano crazy.
* Three Parks and a Cemetery? Wasn’t that a Hugh Grant film? (Three Weddings and a Funeral)