MAN BURNS DOWN PARENTS' HOME WHILE KILLING ANTS

In Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a man burned down his parents’ house and killed three pets while trying to exterminate ants in his basement with matches. Investigators say 21-year-old Devon Doucette was trying to incinerate the ants with wooden matches when one of them ignited combustible materials. The fire quickly spread to the rest of the house. His parents were not home at the time. The fire killed two cats and one dog.
* And also about 20 ants, so there’s that.
* He wanted to burn the ants alive ’cause insecticide is too cruel.
* Thanksgiving’s gonna be awkward this year. Mostly because there’s no house to have it in.
* They can’t even send him to his room for a timeout.
* They’re thinking of giving their son the ultimate punishment: Refusing to let him go to the next Star Wars movie.
* The plan could have worked if he had … you know … 10,000 books of matches.
* We’ve had variations of this including the cockroach that was set on fire and ran into the walls of the house burning it down.
* I think the general category is “Bad Ideas that Just Got A Whole Lot Worse.”
* Of course, he was probably just down in the basement smoking weed.