JESUS WANTED MAN TO STEAL $7 BILLION

A Florida man accused of making $7 billion in fraudulent wire transfers told the court he stole the money because Jesus wanted him to be wealthy. Authorities arrested John Michael Haskew, of Lakeland, in mid-December after he allegedly set up the wire transfers on Dec. 9 and 10 from “a large, nationally renowned financial institution.” Haskew, who was unemployed, needed to pay off a debt to the federal government, prosecutors said. His alleged scheme was to provide a bank routing number that wasn’t his. He used that routing number to make more than 70 transactions worth more than $7 billion. Haskew told agents he was “self-taught on the banking industry,” including how to make the fraudulent wire transfers. He allegedly told investigators that he believed he deserved the money, stating that “Jesus Christ created wealth for everyone.”
* I think he’s confusing wealth with fish.
* Seven billion. And he almost got away with it, I bet.
* So – what did he do? Buy an aircraft carrier he couldn’t afford?
* Wait – Did he need to pay off a debt TO the federal government, or pay off the debt OF the federal government?
* I wonder how much the “large, nationally renowned financial institution” paid to keep their name out of this story?
* Processing $7 billion in fraudulent wire transfers would make them a “a large, nationally ridiculed financial institution.”
* “Self-taught on the banking industry.” Hey – just like the President!
* This guy makes Bernie Madoff seem like a choir boy.
* $7 billion? There are entire Wall Street firms that don’t steal that much.
* They don’t stay in business for long, but I’m sure they’re out there.
* Little is known of his education. He was self-taught in banking and I think we can assume that he also skipped ethics class.