HOW TO RUIN A HAMBURGER

Reddit asked, What instantly ruins a hamburger for you?” Some of the responses:
– “When the patty slips out the other side.”
– “Poor construction. When it flies out the other end. Stick everything together with a blob of sauce.”
– “Excessive height.”
– “Nobody wants to have to unhinge their jaw to eat a burger. I’d always take a wider burger over a taller burger.”
– “When the burger comes out and it’s so big they’ve got a steak knife stabbed through the middle holding it together. I have to cut it and eat it with a fork. So stupid. If you have to eat it with a fork then it’s no longer a burger, you just got a chopped steak salad.”
– “Soggy bun when part of it sticks to the back of your tongue.”
– “Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you can’t get quality lettuce, please leave it off! ”
– “Pickles when I asked for no pickles. And you can’t just pick em off. The whole burger is contaminated if a pickle touches it.”
– “Nothing kills a burger faster than a bad tomato.”
– “Thick cut tomato.”
– “I once ordered a breakfast burger that was advertised as having, among other toppings, ‘egg.’ I imagine a nice fried egg. No, the monstrosity that came out had a quartered, hard-boiled egg on it. Just terrible.”
– “When they cost $20+. It’s a hamburger.”
– “People that want to talk while I’m eating a burger.”
* Wow. How does that last jerk keep getting invited to cookouts?
* Don’t get Americans started on their hamburgers.
* Patties flying out the other side are easily fixed with a staple gun.
* A quarter pound of meat, cooked medium rare, with melted cheese and ketchup, in between toasted buns. It’s perfection. Why screw with it?
* PHONE TOPIC: Do you have a hamburger story? What ruins a hamburger for you?