HELP WANTED: SWISS GUARDS

The Swiss Guard, the elite squad whose main mission is to protect Pope Francis and the 108-acre Vatican City, is hiring. The unit currently stands at 110 members, and they want to add 25 more men. Enrollment is open to single Swiss men between 19-31 years old who are practicing Catholics in good health, with an “impeccable reputation and be at least 5-foot-7 tall, and have completed basic training in the Swiss army.”
* A pocket knife will be provided, obviously.
* It helps if you look good in a clown suit.
* The job doesn’t pay a lot but they do cover dry-cleaning the uniform.
* Which is good, ’cause on a hot day in Italy it can get steamier in those outfits than the Goofy costume at Disney World.
* And, boy, if you can yodel, that’ll put you right at the top of the list. Talent night hasn’t been the same since Yoris left last April.
* The hours are long, but you get all the chocolate and cheese you can eat.