HELP WANTED: GRAPE FEEDER

A fancy restaurant in London is looking to hire someone to hand-feed grapes to the customers. The custom supposedly recalls the glory days of ancient Rome and Greece. In a full page advertisement in the UK’s Sunday Times, the restaurant Bacchanalia says the fortunate worker needs to have “gorgeous hands” and a “basic grasp of Greek and Latin. Perks include regular manicures & the finest food & wine.”
* And how do you look in a toga?
* A further requirement: You must know the Heimlich maneuver.
* And how are you at orgies?
* It’s a pretty easy job. Not like back during social distancing, when you had to have really good aim.
* Are they seedless grapes, or do you have to stand there while the customer spits out the grape seeds into your gorgeous hands?
* “Welcome to the Bacchanalia, where a complete stranger will touch your food with their bare hands.”
* “Eeeeuuu! These grapes taste like hand sanitizer!”