GRANNY SWALLOWED BY PYTHON

Police in Jambi, Indonesia, made a horrifying discovery after searching the woods for a grandmother who vanished after heading out for a walk. The 54-year-old woman, named Jahrah, disappeared last Friday after going out to collect rubber in the forest near her family home. She was reported missing by relatives after she failed to return. Locals organized search parties and began trawling through the dense woodland. On Sunday, searchers found a 22-foot-long python with a large bulge in its belly in a clearing. Cutting open the beast’s stomach, their fears were confirmed – the 54-year-old had been swallowed whole. Jarah’s body appeared to be largely intact – as were the clothes she was wearing.
* (pause) She had a hat… (old joke.)
* Florida: this is your future.
* I think if I was a Granny, I’d rather get run over by a reindeer.
* “Let’s build our house next to the forest! It’ll be pretty!!”
* Top THAT, Halloween lovers, with your lame-ass ghost stories.