GOOP’S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

If Oprah’s Favorite Things gift guide doesn’t float your boat, there’s always Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Christmas Gift Guide. Here are some of the items:
– A pair of Gold Chrona Chandelier Earrings: $43,200
– The Proppr Essential Bathroom Footrest – basically an artisanal ripoff of the Squatty Potty – a foot stool to elevate your legs when you’re moving your, uh, stool: $220
– Chanel Purse With Chain – this item is listed in the ‘Gifts for Kids’ section: $1,575
– Kiki de Montparnasse Restraining Arts Kits: leather hand and ankle cuffs, straps, and a paddle: $1,350
– An Automatic Joint Roller: $130
– Firewood Tote – a bag to carry an armful of firelogs: $499
– Kate McLeod Atelier Stone – a single bar of soap with a healing crystal embedded inside: $65
– Edie Parker Four in a Row Wonderstone Marble Set – a “Connect Four” game made from marble: $1,495
– 50th Anniversary Edition of “MoonFire”, Norman Mailer’s picture book about the Apollo 11 moon landing that comes with an actual palm-sized meteorite: $275,000
* This is for people who wake up every morning and think, “Help, I have too much money!”
* It just isn’t Christmas until Santa brings the bondage gear.
* I was hoping for some new ear buds, but the bar of soap sounds nice.
* You know, that Oprah stuff is just crap, but this – THIS – is crap.