GM TO PUT AUTONOMOUS CARS ON THE ROAD BY NEXT YEAR

General Motors says it is making the first mass-production autonomous car. The Chevy Bolts will have no steering wheel or pedals, and will require no human backup driver. The company says it has filed a petition with the federal government seeking permission to put the vehicles on the road sometime in 2019. The location of the service has not been revealed.
* Hopefully it’s a town with a lot of body shops.
* It’s like the auto companies are in a race to see who can get sued first.
* You’re in an autonomous car. It’s a warm day. Your windows are down. The car pulls up to a stoplight. Suddenly, a man runs up, sticks a gun in your face and says “Hand over your wallet!” Your foot instinctively reaches for the gas pedal to get away, but… “NOOOOOOOO!!!”
* The slogan will be “Buy a Chevy Bolt! What are Ya – Chicken?”
* This is going to take the fun out of cursing at other motorists.
* And there are bad days ahead for squirrels, rabbits, cats and skunks.
* “Sorry I’m late. My car was receiving updates.”
* Traffic reporters are going to have to learn to say, “Nothing’s moving. We have a massive reboot happening on the freeway.”
* GM stands for Get a Moped.
* Three nanoseconds – that’s how long it will take before people start calling it the Chevy Bucket o’ Bolts.