FRIDAY, July 19 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, July 19, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: HUBERT VAN BOUVIER FOR OFFICE – SEX SCANDAL; THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL DAIQUIRI DAY

RASPBERRY CAKE DAY

July is:

Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month
Air Conditioning Appreciation Month
Baked Bean Month
Cell Phone Courtesy Month
Family Reunion Month
International Blondie and Deborah Harry Month
National Blueberries Month
National Grilling Month
National Hot Dog Month
National Ice Cream Month
Melon Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

DC COMICS REVAMPING HEROES

DC Comics is revamping their superheroes again. They are creating what they call an “Absolute Universe,” where their heroes have “fewer advantages while facing greater opposition than ever before.” In three different storylines, Batman no longer has money, a mansion, or butler. Wonder Woman is not a product of having been raised on an island paradise, no sisterhood to shape her, nor a mission of peace. Superman will have no home, no family, no Fortress of Solitude. The comics will start rolling out this October.
* And will also have no fans.
* It’s all part of the new “We’re out of ideas” line of comics.
* There’ll be less of everything. So the comics will probably cost more.
* Batman will be on a streetcorner with a sign that says, “Need gas money for Batmobile.”
* Superman will be working at the airport x-ray-visioning luggage for the TSA.
* Fewer details = Easier for AI to write and draw.

THE BUZZ

OUR DUMB KIDS DON’T KNOW CIVICS

The American Council of Trustees and Alumni gave a 35-question survey to 3,000 American college students and found – no surprise here – that very few have a basic knowledge of history, lawmaking and US governance. Some of the results:
– Only 27% knew that Vice President Kamala Harris also sits as the Senate’s president — a key role in tiebreaking deadlocked votes.
– Only 28% of college kids were aware that the 13th Amendment was what ended slavery.
– Only 35% knew Louisiana congressman Mike Johnson was the speaker of the House of Representatives.
– 60% did not know the term limits of Representatives is two years.
– Only 32% knew that the legislative branch had the power to declare war. Nearly half of college students thought that was the President’s executive authority.
– 51% thought the Constitution was drafted in 1776.
– 44% thought Thomas Jefferson was the “father of the Constitution,” rather than President James Madison.
– Only 23% knew the phrase “Government of the people, by the people, for the people,” is from President Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.
* Look, we are not sending our kids to college to play Jeopardy. Give ’em a break.
* The American Council of Trustees and Alumni just does this so they can sit around afterwards feeling superior.
* Less than 20% know of the famous rap battle between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.
* I’ve got bad news for you: many of our POLITICIANS don’t know civics.

MOMS HAVE SECRET SNACK SUPPLY

According to a survey of 2,000 women aged 21-45 by freeze-dried fruit manufacturer Crispy Green, two-thirds of American moms have a secret snack supply that they keep hidden from the family. Some of the findings:
– 66 percent of moms polled admit that they hide the really good snacks to avoid sharing them with their partner and children.
– Seven out of ten American women have felt guilt over simply eating a snack.
– 42 percent said they were embarrassed about their snacking habits.
– 70 percent say chips are their go-to secret snack.
* Wow, they really blew the lid open on this national secret.
* Excuse me, but they left out the most important info about mom’s snacks. WHERE IS SHE HIDING THEM?
* My mom’s secret stash was always Oreos. Oreos, and Prozac.
* Dad’s secret stash was the bottle of bourbon in the umbrella stand.
* Sadly, apparently no one is snacking on Crispy Green’s freeze-dried fruit.
* I always felt one of the great benefits of being an adult is no one can tell me what I can eat and when I can eat it. Krispy Treats for breakfast? Why not. Ice cream at 3 pm? Absolutely.
PHONE TOPIC: What is in your secret stash?

U.S. NEWS

GUY SPILLS JAR OF SALSA INTO PUBLIC POOL: $20,000 CLEAN UP

In Needham, Massachusetts, a guy brought a glass jar of salsa to the Rosemary Recreation Complex on Sunday. It broke, and pieces of glass went into the lap pool—prompting its closure and a clean-up estimate of between $15,000 and $20,000. Parks & Rec Director Stacey Mulroy says the 220,000-gallon pool has to be drained, powerwashed and then vacuumed with a wet/dry vacuum before refilling and doing the necessary chemical rebalancing and bacteria testing. He reminded everyone that glass is not permitted in the pool at any time.
* Idiot. It’s TAKE a dip in the pool, not DROP some dip in the pool.
* The guy who broke the glass – was he smashed?
* If only there was a way to check peoples’ bags when they come to the pool.
* And for the rest of the summer, every kid in town knew whose dad kept them from being able to go swimming.
* A jar of salsa in the pool. It’s the 21st century version of the Baby Ruth scene in Caddyshack.

DENIAL OF PIZZA LEADS TO A BEATING IN ATLANTA

A woman and and her two daughters are in trouble for attacking a Sam’s Club worker in Atlanta, Georgia, because they couldn’t order pizza. The store was shutting down on the night of July 10. Two minutes before closing, the woman and her adult daughters went up to the club cafe and asked to order two whole pizzas. The lady behind the counter told them it was too late to place their order. The family started calling her names. Then, the mother walked behind the counter and punched the worker in the face. One of the daughters joined the fight. Sam’s Club intervened to break up the fight. The women have been charged with battery.
* They need to rename it Sam’s Fight Club.
* Time to bring back the Covid counter barricades.
* You know what would have prevented this? One of those 100-count bags of Snickers that Sam’s Club sells. Those help when you’re hangry.
* It’s too bad Sam’s doesn’t sell, I don’t know, frozen pizzas maybe.
* If only Atlanta had other places to buy pizza.

COSTCO SELLS FOOD FOR THE APOCALYPSE

Costco is selling emergency food kits in a bucket. For $79.99, the Readywise Emergency Food Supply bucket gives you 150 freeze-dried food servings, with a shelf life of 25 years. The freeze-dried items include teriyaki rice, pasta alfredo, potato pot pie and apple cinnamon cereal.
* Rice, pasta, and potatoes. Must the food be so fancy?
* All carbs. What are we supposed to do for protein – eat the other people in the bunker?
* If there’s no coffee in there, I’d rather die from the zombies or whatever.
* Sounds gross, so also stock up on Twinkies. They last WAY longer than 25 years.
* If the food doesn’t last 25 years, you’re welcome to come out of your shelter, head over to what’s left of Costco and complain.
* Let’s do the math: 25 years = 9,125 days x 2 meals a day = 18,250 meals divided by 150 meals in each bucket = 121 Readywise buckets you would need x $79.99 per bucket = $9,678. Not a bad price for 25 years worth of godawful food. And don’t forget to buy water, that’s where they getcha.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

AUSTRALIAN ATHLETE HAS FINGER AMPUTATED SO HE CAN PLAY IN THE OLYMPICS

Australian Matt Dawson, a previous Olympic silver medalist in field hockey for his country, suffered an injury which left the ring finger on his right hand broken. If he waited for his finger to heal, he would not be able to play at the Olympics next week. The other option: amputate part of his finger in order to be able to join his teammates. That’s what he did. Dawson said, “I made the decision then I called my wife and she said ‘I don’t want you to make a rash decision.’ But I guess I had all the information I needed to make a decision for not only playing in Paris, but for life after and giving myself the best health.”
* Don’t explain it to us, pal, it’s your wife you gotta live with.
* “It’s just my wedding ring finger, honey, I don’t need that.”
* He’s giving too much of himself for the game.
* When he’s in Paris lying on a cardboard bed in athlete housing without air conditioning waiting to play a game to see which team comes in sixth, maybe he’ll rethink that decision.

TRENDING

KENNEDY CENTER HONOREES NAMED

The Kennedy Center honorees for 2024 were announced Thursday. They are: film director Francis Ford Coppola, the Grateful Dead, Bonnie Raitt and jazz trumpeter Arturo Sandoval. In addition, The Apollo Theater in Harlem, New York, will also be recognized as the fifth honoree. The ceremony will premiere on CBS on December 23.

BOB NEWHART DIES, 94

Comedy legend Bob Newhart died Thursday in Los Angeles. He was 94. While Newhart was known to younger audiences as Papa Elf in the 2003 Christmas classic “Elf,” and most recently appeared in three episodes of “Young Sheldon,” he was also famous for two classic sitcoms, “The Bob Newhart Show” – where he played a psychologist (* famous for the “Hi, Bob” drinking game) – and “Newhart” where he played a Vermont innkeeper (* which brought the world Larry, Darryl and Darryl.) Before his TV success, Newhart rocketed to fame with his comedy album “The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart” featuring hilarious monologues – a man across the street from the Empire State Building calling the police about King Kong, for example, or a press agent encouraging Abraham Lincoln to spice up the Gettysburg Address. He worked in movies, like “Catch-22” and “Cold Turkey” (look for it, it’s great), had a very memorable turn as a librarian losing his eyesight on TV’s “E.R.” in 2003, and was a frequent hilarious guest on The Tonight Show.

KATE HUDSON GETS CREEPY ABOUT NICK JONAS

Kate Hudson, 45, reflected on her past relationship with Nick Jonas on Wednesday’s episode of “Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen.” Hudson and Jonas, 31, were introduced to each other in 2015 through mutual friends and began hanging out that September. Cohen questioned the actress about the dating rumors surrounding her and Jonas, asking Hudson: “How would you characterize that relationship?” She replied laughing. “Lovely, fun, kind … he’s like an old man in a young man’s body, and we love him.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 2, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Wednesday – Patriot Day
Sept. 23, Sunday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 8:44 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Jared Padalecki (actor, “Walker,” “Supernatural,” “Gilmore Girls”) … 42
Chris Sullivan (actor, “This Is Us”) … 44
Benedict Cumberbatch (actor) … 48
Anthony Edwards (actor, “Designated Survivor,” “ER”) … 62
Brian May (guitarist with Queen) … 77
Bernie Leadon (guitarist with the Eagles) … 77

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Pull the hair on my head the wrong way, and I would be on my knees begging for mercy. I have very sensitive follicles.”

(A) Donald Trump
(B) William Shatner
(C) Benedict Cumberbatch

ANSWER: (C) Benedict Cumberbatch

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2017 – U.S. scientists calculated the total amount of plastic ever produced – 8.3 billion metric tons, equal to weight of 1 billion elephants.
* Wait – where did they find 1 billion elephants, and how did they weigh them?

1993 – President Clinton announced a compromise allowing homosexuals to serve in the military, but only if they refrained from homosexual activity.
* That’s funny – Bill Clinton insisting that someone else not fool around.

1969 – John Fairfax of Britain became the first person to row across the Atlantic as he arrived in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
* What the hell, it was better than flying coach.

1961 – The first in-flight movie was shown – on a TWA flight.
* And you got a teeny little impossible-to-open package of six pieces of popcorn.

1958 – NASA, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, was formed.
* And its budget quickly became astronomical.

1946 – Marilyn Monroe shot her first screen test.
* And that was the last time she showed up on time for filming.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2017 – “Depacito” by Luis Fonsi ft. Daddy Yankee became the most streamed song to date, played 4.6 billion times.

2017 – A U.S. judge halted an auction of personal items of Madonna, after she said her privacy was violated. Madonna’s underwear, a checkbook, a hairbrush, photos and a break-up letter from the late rapper Tupac Shakur had been among the scheduled lots. The singer said her possessions had been stolen by a former friend.

2010 – Ozzy Osbourne and his former Black Sabbath band mate Tony Iommi settled a long-running legal dispute over the use of the group’s name. Ozzy had filed suit against the guitarist, accusing Iommi of falsely proclaiming to be the sole owner of the Black Sabbath name by lodging an application with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The pair released a joint statement confirming they had settled the dispute “amicably.”

2001 – Wu Tang Clan rapper Old Dirty Bastard, (Russell Jones), was sentenced to spend between two and four years behind bars after being found guilty of drug possession.

1991 – Steven Adler, who used to play drums with Guns’n’Roses, filed a lawsuit against the band claiming that they’d introduced him to hard drugs.

1980 – David Bowie made his theater acting debut in “The Elephant Man.”

1976 – Allman Brother’s roadie Scooter Herring was sentenced to 75 years in prison for providing drugs for the group, based on Gregg Allman’s testimony.

1913 – Billboard magazine published the earliest known “Last Week’s 10 Best Sellers.”

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 18% of people say they get a headache after drinking THIS. What is it?
An energy drink

2. The average American adult drinks over 15 gallons of THIS each year. What is it?
Coffee

3. THIS is the third most consumed beverage in the world. What is it?
Beer

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