FRIDAY, Aug 2 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, August 2, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

INTERNATIONAL BEER DAY

NATIONAL COLORING BOOK DAY

NATIONAL ICE CREAM SANDWICH DAY

NATIONAL WATER BALLOON DAY – First Friday in August

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

OLYMPIC NOTES: FRIDAY, AUGUST 2

(Note: Just to remind you that we have produced enough daily funny Olympic Updates to carry you through next week. Look for them in the Comedy MP3 column on the Main Prep Page.)

– Tom Cruise Planning Big Stunt For Closing Ceremonies: According to Deadline, Tom Cruise, 62, will literally “drop in” when the Olympic flag is handed over to the 2028 host city, Los Angeles. Sources say Cruise – or possibly a stunt double – will rappel down from the top of Stade de France, land on the stadium field, and then take the official Olympic flag. Then, a video will air that was taped back in March that shows Cruise flying with the Olympic flag from France to Los Angeles, where he will then skydive down to the Hollywood sign, where he will hand the flag to other Olympians – including a cyclist, skateboarder and volleyball player – as they give a quick tour around L.A.
* And for his final impossible mission, Tom Cruise will swim in the Seine.

– Skiff Race Canceled Due To Lack Of Wind: The Olympic men’s skiff race – a small-craft sailing competition – was canceled Thursday due to a lack of wind. The race had begun, 10 boats were out on the water off Marseille, France, but the sails started drooping and no one could get enough propulsion. Officials stopped the race, and it will be re-played once the wind returns.

THE BUZZ

FOOD THAT’S MORE HYPE THAN TASTE

Reddit asked, “What food is more hype then taste?” Some of the responses:
– “Anything with gold leaf flakes. Might as well start chewing on your wallet directly.”
– “Pufferfish. People will pay huge money to have it made for them, but the process required to remove all the poison ends up stripping the flavour too. So you get a tasteless dish that can still kill you if the slightest mistake was made preparing it.”
– “Dragonfruit. They look exotic but on the inside they taste like kiwi fruit with a lot less flavor.”
– “I’ve always wanted to try Twinkies, but they never sold Twinkies where I lived in Europe. So when I finally went on vacation to the US it was one of the first things I tried. Thoroughly underwhelming. An American friend told me they used to taste much better before Hostess went bankrupt.”
– “Macaroons. Look super nice, but taste somewhere between ok and meh.”
– “I remember being hyped as a kid to try Pop Tarts when they came to the UK and they were absolutely disgusting.”
– “Sushi. I expected better.”
– “Kale chips. They’re just crunchy sadness.”
* PHONE TOPIC: What did you eat that was a total disappointment?

THE I.Q.-IEST STATES IN AMERICA

There’s a new list of which U.S. states have the highest average I.Q. Drawing on public data from IQ tests, SAT and ACT scores, Data Pandas created a ranking of U.S. states by their average IQ. And, before you judge, racial, educational, and economic disparities likely factor into state variations, highlighting the complex matrix of conditions that influence intellectual development and testing outcomes. (* Whatever that means.) The average national I.Q. is 98.
1. Massachusetts, with an average IQ of 104.3.
2. New Hampshire: 104.2
3. North Dakota. I’m sorry, I’ll read that again. In third place is… North Dakota, at 103.8.
4. Vermont: 103.8
5. Minnesota: 103.7
6. Maine: 103.4
7. Montana: 103.4
8. Iowa: 103.2
9. Wisconsin: 102.9
10. Kansas, New Jersey, South Dakota 102.8
11. Wyoming: 102.4
12. Nebraska: 102.3
13. Virginia, Washington: 101.9
14. Ohio: 101.8
15. Indiana: 101.7
16. Colorado: 101.6
17. Pennsylvania: 101.5
18. Idaho: 101.4
19. Oregon: 101.2
20. Utah: 101.1
25. Missouri: 100
26. Delaware: 100.4
27. North Carolina: 100.2
28. Texas: 100
29. Illinois: 99.9
30. Maryland: 99.7
31. Rhode island: 99.5
30. Kentucky: 99.4
31. Oklahoma: 99.3
32. Alaska: 90
33. West Virginia: 98.7
34. Florida: 98.4
35. South Carolina: 98.4
36. Georgia: 98
37. Tennessee: 97.7
38. Arkansas: 97.5
39. Arizona: 97.4
40. Nevada: 96.7
41. Alabama: 95.7
42. New Mexico: 95.7
43. Hawaii: 95.6
44. California: 95.5
45. Louisiana: 95.3
46. Mississippi: 94.2
* Washington D.C.: 8
* It’s OK, Mississippi, we’ll explain this list to you later.
* This isn’t fair. There’s a law where they won’t let you live in Massachusetts unless you can spell Massachusetts.
* All those cold states at the top of the list? People stay in all winter and read.
* California is third from the bottom. Well, that explains all the stupid Hollywood movies.

U.S. NEWS

MAN ON WALMART ELECTRIC CART LEADS COPS ON LOW-SPEED CHASE

A Florida Man stole an electric cart from a Walmart in Lakeland, then took off for a near mile-long chase. Just after noon last Wednesday, July 24, the Florida Man identified as “Troy” shoplifted several items of jewelry and hand-held game devices, loaded them onto one of Walmart’s electric shopping carts and took off, hitting speeds up to 2 miles per hour. Someone called the police to report an electric shopping cart along the highway. Deputies quickly caught up to him. Troy was charged with grand theft and unlawful possession of a shopping cart, a real crime in Florida.
* Grand-pa Theft Auto.
* Everything moves a little slower in Florida.
* 2 miles an hour? Did they try, like, walking alongside of it and flipping the “Off” switch?
* These seniors today, getting all hopped up on their Geritol.
* Maybe he was filming a scene for the Fast & Furious 28.
* Well, it’s nice that the electric cart got to see a little of the town.

SCIENTISTS PROPOSE A NOAH’S ARK ON THE MOON

A group of scientists want to build a large freezer on the Moon to store animal DNA. The project is described as a lunar Noah’s Ark that could eventually be used to repopulate lost species on Earth or another planet via cloning. The scientists say the Moon makes most sense due to its remoteness from human-made disasters and its naturally low temperatures, which make freezing easier. The plan calls for a bank of cryogenically frozen animal skin and tissue to be built up over time, eventually expanding to include plants. A wide range of fauna and flora samples would be needed, each of which would play a role in building “human-friendly sustainable ecosystems during space flight, on another planet, or back on Earth,” the researchers explained.
* Back on Earth? You’re talking like we’re gonna destroy the Earth or something. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
* To raise the billions of dollars needed, the scientists will be holding a series of bake sales.
* I’ve got an old Amana freezer in my garage they’re welcome to use, but they have to come haul it away.
* You’re not going to get the public interested unless you add a part about cloning celebrities.
* I get the ‘freezing on the Moon” part, but isn’t radiation off the charts up there? (Yes, about 150 times the radiation on Earth.) If I’ve learned nothing else from the movies, it’s that radiation causes Godzillas.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

KOREAN AIR CANCELS IN-FLIGHT NOODLES

Chalk another major loss up to global warming. The unsettledness of the air is causing more unexpected turbulence for airplanes, and therefore Korea Airlines is ending their inflight noodle snack. The airline is concerned about “burn incidents due to hot water” as flight attendants must move several cups of noodles filled with hot water at once, and passengers are crowded together, so the risk of burns has been high. Although the airline does plan to keep serving hot noodles to business and first class passengers. The cup of noodles, served for free on long-haul flights, have been a popular snack on the airline for decades.
* At least the 2nd-degree burns would keep you from noticing that the door flew off.
* If you hear screaming from the first class section, relax, it’s just rich people getting scalded.
* No more udon, as in “You-don want hot noodles in your lap.”
* How about using no-spill baby sippy cups with fat straws?

TRENDING

MACY GRAY HAS OZEMPIC ATTACK

Macy Gray was rushed to the hospital in a wheelchair after her shot of Ozempic caused her to become short of breath and left her unable to walk in the latest episode of MTV’s The Surreal Life: Villa of Secrets. The 56-year-old singer is filmed on the show saying, “It’s really hard to catch my breath. This sucks because I’m here all the way in Colombia and I really just want to give it my all, but I just feel awful and I just want it to go away. This is not going well. I can’t even walk very much without losing my breath.” After assessment by the show’s medic, she was told, “You are taking some medicine that can affect your pancreas. Your pancreas can’t fight.” The medic advised Macy to go to the hospital to get checked out, she was pushed into the emergency room in a wheelchair.

BILL & TED GO TO BROADWAY

Bill and Ted are going to have an adventure on Broadway. Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter, who starred in the Bill & Ted movies, will reunite onstage next year to perform the classic play “Waiting for Godot” by Samuel Beckett. Reeves has never appeared on Broadway before. Winter has, but it’s been decades. In the play, Reeves and Winter will play two friends who happen to be waiting to meet the same person who, spoiler alert, never shows. In the meantime, they discuss many things and explore the ups and downs of their relationship and friendship.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 2, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Wednesday – Patriot Day
Sept. 20, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Sunday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 8:44 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 14, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Wednesday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Thursday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Sam Worthington (actor, “Avatar” movies) … 48
Kevin Smith (actor/director) … 54
Victoria Jackson (actress, “Saturday Night Live” alumnus) … 65
Butch Patrick (actor, “The Munsters”) … 71

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“People like to set the bar high. I like to put the bar on the ground and barely step over it. I like to keep the expectations really low.”

(A) Adam Sandler
(B) Nicolas Cage
(C) Kevin Smith

ANSWER: (C) Kevin Smith

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2007 – Mattel recalled nearly a million Chinese-made toys from its Fisher-Price division that were found to have excessive amounts of lead.
* It wasn’t a total loss – the toys were melted down and made into pencils.

1990 – Iraq invaded Kuwait, a move that would ultimately lead to the (first) Gulf War.
* Which we won, insuring low gas prices for everyone!

1939 – Albert Einstein wrote a letter to the U.S. Government, warning about the dangers of the atomic bomb. The FBI promptly started a dossier on him, describing him as “an extreme radical.”
* But then, they did that to ANYBODY who had long hair.

1938 – A yellow baseball was tested for the first time in the Major Leagues.
* Eeeuuuwww! And you thought a spit ball was gross.

1909 – The first Lincoln head pennies were minted.
* Honest.

1819 – A parachute jump was performed for the first time in the U.S.
* After which the participant visited the first dry-cleaners.

1776 – The formal signing of the Declaration of Independence took place.
* The hard part was holding that pose for the painting.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2023 – As a thank you to crew members on the Taylor Swift Eras Tour, it was reported that the singer had paid a hefty bonus of $100,000 to the tour’s truck drivers as the U.S. leg came to an end. Swift insisted on writing a handwritten note to each driver thanking them for their work. The star is said to have given bonuses totaling more than $55m to performers and crew working on her huge Eras tour, rewarding everyone from dancers to riggers, sound technicians, catering staff and more.

2019 – Ed Sheeran broke U2’s tour record when his Divide tour became the biggest, most attended and highest grossing tour of all time. By the time the tour ended he would have spent 893 days on the road, compared to the 760 days U2 toured. (* No word on whether he gave HIS truck drivers a bonus.)

2001 – New Orleans International Airport was re-named Louis Armstrong Airport in honor of the New Orleans-born trumpet player, singer and bandleader.

1998 – Beastie Boys started a three-week run at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with “Hello Nasty,” the band’s third U.S. No.1 album.

1975 – The Eagles went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “One Of These Nights,” the group’s second U.S. No.1 single.

1973 – The Mamas and the Papas filed a lawsuit against their record label Dunhill for over a million dollars in unpaid royalties.

1969 – Bob Dylan made a surprise appearance at his 10th High School reunion.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. Just over 30% of women surveyed said they do THIS after they shower in the morning before work. What is it?
They clean their belly button

2. According to research, 8% of women own 10 or more of THESE. What are they?
Perfumes

3. Nearly 15 percent of women surveyed said they would consider getting a tattoo of THIS. What is it?
Their pet’s name

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