FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH EXPERIMENT

Bill Faloon, a 63-year-old former mortician, is looking for volunteers for an experiment. He’s looking for aging baby boomers who want to participate in a clinical trial that gives the older participants blood infusions from young donors. But if you want to participate, you have to pay – $285,000. The study, conducted by a Boynton Beach, Florida oncologist named Dipnarine Maharaj, promises participants a year of monthly blood infusions from young people who have been injected with a drug intended to stimulate their immune systems. Faloon believes the technique can reverse the physical effects of aging, and wants to develop scientific proof. The donors, who will be between the ages of 18 and 35, will be compensated for their blood donations, $750 for a year’s worth.
* Proof? Haven’t Dick Cheney and Rupert Murdoch been doing this for years?
* I wouldn’t lead with that whole “former mortician” thing when you’re trying to gather test subjects.
* And is there really such a thing as a “former” mortician? Once a mortician, aren’t you pretty much always a mortician?
* Wasn’t this a “Dr. Phibes” movie with Vincent Price?
* Forget donors between 18 and 35. You want magic blood? Go to Keith Richards.