FESTIVUS: THE AIRING OF THE GRIEVANCES

Each year, the Tampa Bay Times asks its readers to send in their grievances so that they can be aired for Festivus. (If you don’t know what Festivus is by now, there’s no hope for you.) Now, the Airing of the Grievances… of the people of Tampa:
– “‘Wicked’ was just fine, but generic as hell. I’m tired of everyone acting like it’s groundbreaking cinema.”
– “I’m sick of shorter and shorter seasons of shows. I demand every show have a minimum of 10 episodes per season.”
– “The overuse by the media of the word ‘crisis.’ A problem that can be corrected by the actions of intelligent people is not a crisis. The border issue is not a crisis. An asteroid heading toward the Earth that will extinguish all life is a crisis.”
– “Timothée Chalamet. I still don’t like him, but he’s growing on me, and that comes with its own pains.”
– “I went to Aldi yesterday and I found out this morning that all of the ripe avocados have massive dents in them from people squeezing to check ripeness.”
– “The Swanson meatloaf family pack now only feeds a family of 2.5 people.”
– “The Publix cashier that provides the play-by-play on every item she rings up. ‘Oh I love this popcorn.’ ‘These chicken tenders look so good.’”
– “My closest Taco Bell closed for several weeks for renovations. Nobody is going to Taco Bell for the scenery or atmosphere. Serve me tacos from the back of an old van. I don’t care. Just don’t close for weeks at a time.”
– “People who have lived the most interesting lives insist on telling you the most boring stories.”
– “They don’t sell only one sock in stores. I’m only short one sock. Why am I forced to buy two.”
– “The floor-mounted urinals at Hattrick’s are way too friendly and close to the sink.”
– “Why does every bar have to have a theme now? Can’t the theme just be getting drunk?”
– “Why can’t we have a universal standard for which direction you must twist those little wires that are used to close bags of bread? I’ll bet I’ve wasted 1,000 hours of my life twisting those things in the wrong direction before discovering I was going the wrong way!”
* PHONE TOPIC: Have listeners call in with their grievances and splice them together.