DUI SUSPECT SAYS HIS NAME IS "BURGER KING"

Galesburg, Illinois, police officers arrived on scene of a crash just after midnight last Friday. When police approached the driver, he told police his name was “Burger King.” Police soon noticed that Mr. King, who was actually 34-year-old Bradley S. Galloway, smelled like alcohol. During an inspection by the EMTs, Galloway made racial slurs towards the paramedics multiple times. He continued to make “several unusual comments, including ‘Donald Trump is coming to beat up’” the officers. Eventually, he was transported to a hospital, where he implied that a doctor was coming to give him a million dollars. When he was transferred back to the county jail, Galloway told officers, “You all believe in Satan. You all worship Satan. You all driving me to Satan’s town.” Mr. Burger King faces charges including driving under the influence, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
* “Nice racial slur there, Mr. King. I think we’ll skip giving you the standard after-crash painkillers.”
* What an idiot. Donald Trump doesn’t come to beat people up. He sends Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
* “We’re giving you three days in the drunk tank. Do you want fries with that?”
* You say your name is Burger King. That’s obviously a whopper.
* He used his one phone call to contact his wife, Wendy.
* And they both live in a Shake Shack with Five Guys out on Hickory Farms.
* Drunk and crashed in Galesburg, Illinois. Good Times.