DOES YOUR CAT’S BUTTHOLE TOUCH EVERY SURFACE IN YOUR HOUSE?

A student named Kaeden completed his 6th grade science fair project last week. His project: “Does your cat’s butthole really touch all the surfaces in your home?” Here’s how he tested his thesis: Non-toxic lipstick was applied to two different cat butts. They were then given a series of commands, like sit, wait, lie down, and jump up. Apparently, the cats have been trained since kittenhood; they also know how to high-five, spin around, and speak. The lipstick was removed with a baby wipe once the data was collected in just under 10 minutes. The results:
– Long and medium haired cat’s buttholes made NO contact with soft or hard surfaces at all.
– Short haired cats made NO contact on hard surfaces. But there was evidence of a slight smear on the soft bedding surface.
– Conclusion, if you have a short haired cat and if they lie on a pile of laundry, an unmade bed, or other soft uneven surface, then their butthole MAY touch those surfaces.
* Now THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is science we can use. And what did it cost – five bucks for the lipstick and posterboard. Who needs a research grant?
* I hope Kaeden remembered to return the lipstick to his sister.
* Sorry, folks – this may sound like a good result, but your cat IS spreading fecal bacteria from the litter box all over every inch of your home on the bottom of its paws. Sorry.
* And if what I just said upsets you, do not, I repeat, do NOT look around your house with a UV flashlight. You have been warned.
* Did any of the students test what happens when your dog drags his itchy butt across the carpet?
* Next year, Kaeden hopes to answer the question, “You know what? Monkey butt.”