WOMAN STRUCK WITH FROZEN SAUSAGE
Coldcocked.
ADIDAS INVENTS A DISSOLVABLE SHOE
Melts away down the sink.
BANK ROBBER WOULD RATHER BE IN JAIL THAN WITH WIFE
To bank guard: “I’m the guy you’re looking for.”
10-POINT BULL ELK WALKS INTO GIFT SHOP
Stands there for 45 minutes.
MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE FOUND
Immediately, as it turned out.
AUDIO: MAN SHOPLIFTS GUITAR IN PANTS
A Tobacco Sunburst Fender.
WOMAN SMEARS BANANAS ON TRUMP'S MAR-A-LAGO CARS
A run-by fruiting.
AUDIO: ANTI-TRUMPER TOSSED OFF PLANE
“Did you come here to cheer or to protest?”
RESTAURANT CREDITS CUSTOMER $30 BECAUSE SHE SAW A RAT
She still had to pay the rest of her tab.
BURGLAR STEALS CASH, TOILET PAPER
2-ply, 4-pack.